i hate my family
 
wat if im gone? will they ever care? i doubt so. i hated them so much. hated them to the core. ever since my sis entered st nich. i dun care if my relatives say i was jealous or wat so. i have my talents. i have my limits. does one reali nid to be judge on one's ability to study? NO! it doesn't have to. horrid! horrid them! i hated them! guess it's better to have me gone. far into another place. otherwise i might jus anger them to their graves. with me gone, they will have a heavy burden being lifted off their backs. ain't it great? isn't dat better? with me gone ur probably wun even notice it. since ur always treat ar-bui as the princess. de gem or jewel of our family. i dun even count towards the family. NOT AT ALL! everytink u will certainly get ar-bui to do de. when the job should have been done by de eldest. AND I AM DE ELDEST! u must have forgotten abt me. u must have placed ar-bui at the top of ur priority list. wateva u do is always for her. u always asked her if she lacked of anytink. wat abt me? u dun! i could still remember when i wrote u a letter abt how i felt towards u after u had slapped me for failing a maths test. have u ever tink dat i do have feelings? dat i do feel terrible at heart n upset too when i failed my maths. all u tink is dat i have no emotions n dat i do not in de least feel guilty abt scoring low for my maths test. but u r wrong! i hated to cry in front of u! u will despise me. u always do. even tell ar-qi to learn frm ar-bui n not from me. cos ar-bui got into a better sch den me. so wat? big deal meh. u are jus so uncaring. all my bdays. u dun rmb dem. often is didi or meimei remind ur de. last 2 yrs. ur 4got my bday. even promised a present dat u nv give at all. u always broke ur promises. u liar! giving u dat letter of mine is one of the greatest regrets i had in my entire life. u din even appreciate it. denied the facts. n threw the letter bak to me. how do u tink i feel? u tink u r great? all u did is jus give me a life. but u dun have to torture me emotionally at all. all words n actions frm u sumtimes could greatly shows dat u despise me loads. perhaps hated me most. perhaps tinking i was the worst kid u ever has. well. i am wat i am. i inherited all the genes frm u n dad. if i dumb, haas. it must have cum frm either u or dad den. i hate to see u emphasizing on studies so so much. sumtimes seeing u cane ar-wen n ar-xun for not learning their spelling, i tink u r cruel indeed. since young i read books on mothers. mothers who r kind n loving. understanding n thoughful. but it seems to be dat tis books are jus fantasies dat kids can have oni. such mothers can maybe appear in ur dreams oni. it isn't true at all. not a bit. the mother i see now is a terror. sumone that terrorises me esp everytime i got my results slip or report bk bak. no matter how hard i study u will still be unhappy or unsatisfied with my results at all. always saying i din work hard. always scolding me. reprimanding me. or not slap me. cant u tok to me in a much peaceful tone? is it reali a very difficult  tink to do? perhaps if u have done tis to me long ago. i wun be so rebellious as now. i will love my mum jus like anybody else. but. no. it's over. game over. ive grown up hating u. disliking u. perhaps i am a thorn in ur flesh. well u are a thorn in my flesh too. i wonder how our conflict can ever be resolved. maybe nv. nv at all. tis feeling of hatred will jus be kept in me. with me noeing n u to find out. but u seem to be so oblivious to my feelings. one tink for sure. i will nv treat u as my true mum.