wAt a bAd dAy!
wAt a bAd dAy!
been moody for half the day. =x cos i recalled bak sum stuff. dunoe y. it jus dampens my mood. n made me so confused. n i jus realised. i hate sarcasm. jus dislike ppl to make sum reali sarcastic remarks repeatedly. i'll jus get damn fed up. epps. dunoe wat's up with -. i mean like. hais. isa should be able to get wat i mean.
after sch met up with isa. n we chatted.
qian n ken quarrelled. =X beli xiong lo. but later on they oki le after they tok to each other. gud job sia both of u.
hmm. me n isa were reali glad for dem. they finally smiled. =)
vented my moody self on isa. well. she's reali nice. pei me.
bought deserts n sat down eating it. sel n yun came. weiling wilson alvin alan meiying jianting cass aloy came too. to celebrate cz bday. they came in sch uniform while sel n yun came in their home clothes. both put on make-up sia. got a shock seeing dem. tot they wun be coming cos i called them ytd but they din pick it up neither did they return me a call. xian din come since she's working.
sat amidst them eating quietly. for the first few times in my life. i was reali quiet. jus felt rather left out. cos all of them were jus busy toking to each other. cass yun sel isa n all. furthermore i wasn't in an active mode. =x
later on we sand hapie bday song to cz n cut the cake. after dat most of them went up the spectator corner to watch soccer. except kaiyi erica gen gianseng n wesley stayed in the canteen to play with cards. so i left them to join in the rest of them all.
over there. i played games with alvin n isa. din exactly watch the match. rather boring ma. den later cass they all took pic. at the last pic den they ask me to be in the pic. but i din wan. den isa join in the pic.
soon we left. waved gudbye to all n left. they went to the toilet while i walk bak to de canteen to find kaiyi. couldn't find her der. den i walk to the bball court. din see her der too. was abt to call her when i realised she had msg ne dat she had left. so i went bak to look for isa they all.
left the sch n saw derrick. he jus came cos he was jus off frm work. wish they will have a fun time. =) im reali hapie to see dem all. they seems so united n treasured their frenship loads. nice to see dem all.
went to xinmin de coffee shop to eat. with cass yun n sel. went home after dat. so damn tired now. reali slpy le. tml got roadrun lo. =X wtH. .most prob im walking liao. hais. nites my diary. muaks. slp tite. .

stressed!
stressed!
skipped chem lesson last thur. it was a make-up lesson. n most of my classmates dun wan to attend it. so in the end we skipped dat make-up lesson. all. . except 2 pigs. de chem rep n his fren. piangz. dat chem rep damn jialat lo. so attitude. =X dun like him at all! . . .after dat i went bak xms with isa shimin n joyce. actuali wanting to take my scholarship but in the end i forget to take. =X so cham. nvm. met up with a few trch n chatted for a long time. got home after dat. felt so tired. watch a few vcds den i slp le.
the next day. fri. i went to work as extra with kaiyi in "yummy yummy" haas. saw my mum's fave idol. took photos with her. =)she's pretty! so pretty. .n beautiful! =p supposed to work frm 10a.m to 11p.m. but in the end we end at 5p.m. cos dawn say we can go off early. so me n kaiyi went off. she went home so dat she can go to her relative's wedding dinner. as for me. hmm. i went to meet my er-zi n frens. cos they in far east. later on they had to go home early. actually wanted to find my daddy. but he out with frens. so i dun wish to. hmm. in the end. my er-zi n chengwai pei me eat. later on we went home separately. watch vcds n went to slp.
the next day. sat. went to nanyang poly openhse with hueyen kaiyi n sean. the cheerleading der is fun! reali fun sia. wish to join too lo. n the dance oso beli nice. moreover it was sort of my genre of dance too. feel like going der. but the courses der dun suit me at all. hais. =x sad case. later on me n yen went to airport to welcome jasmine stella they all. cos they were bak frm perth dat day. ask kaiyi along but she din wan go. anyway sock huiqi kelvin meli kevin vannessa vian n a few others were der too. welcoming their arrival. haas. when they come we jus hugged each other. some were touched to tears. =) so glad to see jas n my nu-er bak sia. damn long nv see dem le. miss dem loads lo. for no rhyme or reason i jus felt so empty within. i seem to have drifted far frm my sjab gang. jas vian stella n sock. long time nv together le. long time nv go home together. chat with each other. play games n all. missed those fun times. n not to forget kevin. haas. =p a big boi now sia. he has indeed grown. kelvin too. haas. huiqi has grown to be more matured too. meli has grown prettier! =p =) we took bus 27 n reached hougang mall. all went home except me sock jas stella vian n kevin. we stayed n ate at hougang mall. after which we went home. =) fun!
the next day. sun. went to isa's hse with yen. bought tidbits n stuff to enjoy our movie marathon with. haas. the 1st show we watch was drop-dead boring. i slept half the show. so sianz lo. den later we watched the 2nd show. another boring movie. din reali concentrate on watching either. haas. cos me n isa was busily eating our maggi mee. it was tom yam flavour. n so damn spicy. oMg i jus ate 2 spoonfuls n i could feel my lips burning. no kid. it's true. so damn spicy lo. den i ask isa for milk. but she dun have so i ask for ice. guess wat. i sucked an ice while eating. when it melted completely i jus popped in aother ice n continued eating. otherwise it's way too spicy for me. bth sia. den bcos of dat im feeling uncomfortable rite now. felt naueseous. =X epps hope i dun get food poisoning. yen was slping away throu-out dat 2nd movie. after dat me n isa decide to play majiong n we woke yen up. played for so long. a few hrs. end results: im the last!!! yen won with 242 bucks. isa had 210 bucks while me. .had 148. =X so lousy sia. initially i was winning the lo. den towards the middle yen took over my luck n den isa took over hers towards the end. =X lucky din play money. haas. it was fun. after dat i reach home. feel like watching sum vcds. =p nites my dear. . diary. *winks

*miSsEs n muAks*
*miSsEs n muAks*
went to hougang library with syl n matt. so ncie of dem to pei me hur. but i waited ages for dem! oMg. =x borrowed a comic strip n a book. hope i can finish reading tis bk sia. later on watch a small performance at hougang mall. chinese dance by a few kids. they reali super flexible. hais. y din my mum let me learn dance when young. =X last time i young i kept asking her to let me learn. she dun let me. =x if i had learnt i will most probably have gotten into dance. =X anyway dat performance is great! after dat syl wan to eat n i ate deserts. later on i headed for home while they went bedok. hais. hope they din went der jus to find her. i wun noe wat exacty is going thru their minds. but i jus have to hope they aren't as bad i tot them to be.
i've not had met a guy who's not a flirt. wat luck hur. =x
suddenly tot of jasmine. haben been toking to her for ages. reali misses. i dunoe y. i reali miss her loads. not dat im a les kkie. im a norm. missing those days at sjab. the days of fun laughter n joy. the days of anger sadness n tears. the day when we stayed overnite at huiqi hse with sock jas stella vian linhong ronghui kevin kelvin n shijie. dat was reali fun. hais. the days are gone. the days when i enter com team along with sock gen yen n isa. the trainings we had. the scolding we had overgone. the buckets of tears we had shed together. the days we had quarrels n unhappiness with each other. the days are gone. ever wished dat time could travel? yea. i had. but it never come true. im reali missing those days. how i wish we could gather n have fun. but daily schooling has made it impossible. hais. =x i wan return bak to sjab. i reali wanted to. but i dunoe wat to do when i return. sit der n watch dem have their activities. maybe.
olevels results gonna be released on the 21st feb. heard frm one of my frens. getting worried by the day. =x
=X im been getting rather depressed n demoralised by the days. no longer the optimistic me. how come.? such a sentimental me. where's has de original me gone to. i felt i had nv reali luff for a long time. i was happier in the past. hais. but who wasn't. getting stressed out by studies n all. darn it. i wan my carefree days bak. dat'll be in my dreams.
here's a touching story. short it might be. but it reali touches deep in my heart n made me cry.

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph
on the road...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.*Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it onyourself? Its bugging me...
(In the paper the next day):A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. 2 people were on it, but only1 survived.The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke down, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug 1 last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

nice yea? but would you do this for someone??

Britney - When I Found You
Britney - When I Found You

I believe we all have one true love[feeling rather down]
Somewhere in this world I do[many stuff has been]
When it seemed all my dreams were falling through[bothering me]
That's when I found you[a lot a lot]

I believe for every heart[cried when hearing tis song]
That whispers in the dark[emotional hur?]
There's a ray of light somewhere shining through[yea i guess so too]
It must sink or swim when the tide came in[i dun even]
I found myself when I found you[noe wat it's abt]

I found the closest thing to heaven[i felt hurt]
That's in you[i felt disappointed. over wat?]
I found the deepest love I knew[i jus cant pinpoint it out]
Ooh oh I believe[i had said i wanted to be married off at 21]
Yes it's true[but i doubt i can do dat. it's difficult.]
I found myself, when I found you[it's hard to find a love]

I believe for every door that's closing[a true love dat is]
For every heartbreak[ppl who can read tis indeed noe me well]
There's hope for something new[hais. do i still feel]
From the ashes rise a glimpse of paradise[anytink for him?]
It soon flickered in your eyes[or was i only touched?]
When I found you[by whom exactly izit?]

I found the closest thing to heaven[im reali not used]
That's in you[reali not used to multiple courtings]
I found the deepest love I knew[if only they arent ppl]
Ooh oh I believe[ppl whom i nv loved b4]
Yes it's true[or should i say liked b4?]
I found myself, when I found you[it's hard to say love]

A life unfolds[at such a young tender age.]
No one knows["they r jus having a crush on me"]
I thought love was just a tingling of the skin[i oways say]
I felt so alone[dat to myself]
All alone[i keep saying they r bad. but are they reali?]
More than you could ever know[or am i jus unable]
You show deep love[unable to let go of the past?]
Sweet love[unable to forget wateva hurt i felt?]

When I found you (ooh oh)[those memories have certainly]
I found the closest thing to heaven (yeah)[stayed by me]
(I finally found you baby)[thru these past 1 whole yr.]
I found (yeah yeah)[i wish to fall in love. all over again]
The closest thing to heaven[with sumone gud of cos.]
I found myself when I found you[but how will i noe]

I found the closest thing to heaven[when will dat be?]
Yes in you I found the deepest love I knew[am i. .]
Ooh oh I believe[yearning to be loved? or to love?]
Yes it's true[perhaps both. or am i yearning it so as to]
I found myself[solve my prob easier?]
When I found you[or jus so to forget my past?]

cAstOr 3 oUtiNg
cAstOr 3 oUtiNg

went out with my jc frens. met them at bedok mrt station. not many ppl turn up thou. but still beli gud le. still recalled wat kifa had asked me. "janice heard ytd u were . .dat dance?" i dunoe reali rmb wat he said. but obviously it was abt dat dance. ."aiya. yep of cos. im oki. =)" my reply. lame yea. but i have got to react dat way. otherwise ppl will tink dat. .well forget abt it. dun wish to go into dat again. hais. guess the ogls noe abt it. felt so =x. nvm
anyway. all were dressed in sporty attire. all. . .except me. =x cos i din wan to ride bike nor blading. since i noe none of the sport. cycling a bit nia. but of all experiences i've had in cycling. none of dem were gud. eeps. once i fell straight into a tree. another into a rubbish dump. another time into a drain. n there's once i had 2 bikes fallen onto me. dat's it. i wun wan to ride anymore. im jus so bad at it. =x but nevertheless. i decided to ride bike. since no one wans to blade. n i noe nothing abt blading at all. yeps.
it was fine. yea. reali. first time i managed to ride so smoothly. *cheers*. .i jus had prob at starting oni. but still it's oki. so far so gud. thruout the ride yongjun jolynn rathika vicnan kifa were beli nice. sonja jeremme too. they were riding behind me asking how's am i getting along. making sure i dun lag behind. =) nice frens yea. indeed. later we had a race. n i paired up with jeremme. dat tiko in our grp. =x nah jus kidding. dat entire ride i fell down once. cos i was riding n de ger in front of me was like slowing down. i wanted to brake n change lane but wasn't in time to do dat. so no choice i swerved my bike away frm hers. den i fell down. gud tink dat ger din fell. otherwise i like caused her to fall like dat. =x hais. jus got a small scratch at my shin. was quite hurting thou i din show it. din wish to have dem tinking im a wekaling. haas. jus kidding. went bak home n dicovered dat i had a few bruises too. =x quite lucky le. den later i almost bumped into a skater. another time was i almost lose control when yongjun's bike suddenly came beside mine. cos i had a phobia if bike come too close to mine. =X sories.
after dat cycling trip we went katong to play bowling. ying hui was the winner! she had a 100 points. =) *wohOos* *claps* guess wat. i had a 54 points =X xiasuay sia. wahhaas. tot i was the last. but kaijia lost me with a score of 51. =) *beaming* not bad eh. kekes. after dat we went parkway parade n bought food. sat on the staircase n ate our dinner der. wat a cool way to have our dinner. under the moonlight =) dat was reali great. i can feel dat we're so united. kekes. we had chit-chats among ourselves n tok abt so many tinks. =) later on we parted n went off le. dat's so memorable. i love my castor 3! =D

*a disappointing day*
*a disappointing day*

got to sch feeling heavy-hearted. or should i say worried abt dat dance results. met up with shimin n the rest. i noe shimin was worried abt it too. thou both of us keep smiling n luffing. but dat's jus to relieve the stress. hais. anyway. we went to the board n take a look. joyce was in. i din got in. shimin din got in. isa din got in. at dat instant i could actually feel a 20kg load weighing in me. it was like a pang to my heart. hais. all those words dat my frens had said. ."u sure get in de la. u dance so nice." "u dance so nice sure get in de". . those had boosted my confidence initially. but rite now those words made me feel hurt. kaiyi tried to put a comforting hold onto me. but i jus shrug it off. cos i noe im gonna cry on her if she come closer. eeps. but i din. =x qiling gave me a pat.. hais. beli xinku. i wish i would've jus cried out. but i couldn't. i dun wan ppl to tink im dying to get into de dance. dat i couldn't take tinks in my stride. n wat so. dat's feel rather silly hur. but dat was wat has went thru my mind. jus realised dat when ya on de verge of tears dun tink of happy tots. dat will make u cry more. tink of angry tots. ur tears wun roll down den. =x. .guess i was rathe bad to des. i jus told him off when he hit my head with sumtink n ask me dun tink too much saying dat zhi kai say. . . i dunoe wat zhi kai say cos i cut him off at dat time. guess i was rather fierce ba. but i reali din mean it. hell. i was reali in a saddening mood. dat dance dampen my mood so much. din wan to stay with qiling they all. cos it seems dat they aren't toking much. could sense dat occasionally they will take a glance at me. jus to check if im crying i guess. hais. in their eyes i seem like a weak soul. a small young ger who bursts into tears when she's unhappy. eeps. i dun like dat image. jus felt dat i should leave dem otherwise they will maintain dat silence ever. so i went round the sch finding my OG. couldnt find dem. but finally saw them sitting at the canteen. i wen to join dem. i was surprised. i jus noe my OG members barely less than 2 weeks. n dey could aleli sense dat i was unhappy. eeps. rather speechless when they said dat. i jus keep denying. den sumone asked abt how's my dance audition. dat reali almost sparked off my tear glands. . .i jus shook my head n uttered i din got in. dey kept trying to cheer me up. said all sorts of jokes n all. could see khee xiang was reali nice. i brought over my cards n we played a few games. i cheered up indeed. =) at dat instant i felt my OG roxs. it roxs my world. realised dat close frens usually leave ya alone when ya sad. while not so close frens will do silly stuff or crack jokes to cheer ya up. hmm. well...
during civics lesson. i got to see my class. gosh. all r quite nerdy. my gang of frens seems to be the most nauti ppl der. i mean as in playful. so sianz. . =x den the trch mention sum sch rules n kept looking at us when she said dyed hair must be dyed black by next week. it's obviously me kaiyi n des. my entire class so guai. =x oh my. so not fun. nvm. got me sure fun le. hmm unless i not in a gud mood. den too bad. =x anyway after dat lesson i gathered with my OG for common lunch.
den shimin n joyce approached me.joyce den tell me say dat she wan tell de dance trch dat she wanna quit n she wan to recommend me into de dance. i was feeling rather. .insulted? too strong a word. but maybe offended? but i wasn't angry at her. i noe she did it with kind intentions. but i jus rejected her. cos i reali wan to enter de dance based on my own capabilities. they dun wan me den suan le. dat wun make me lose passion in my dance. i hope. =x i still have my sjab to perform to. if mjc canot. i can go join srjc. hmpf. if i reali manage to join srjc dance. i will train extra hard to win mjc! hmpf. who tell dem ask me dance dat belly dance for audition. hais. din got in. was reali upsetting for me sia. anyway. reali thanks joyce for dat chance. but i reali dun wan it. =) shimin understood my feelings i guess. =) cos we both were like reali trying hard to get into it. hais. forget abt it. it's over. i still have oher chances for dance. i guess. =x
after dat i join in my OG n we went to the nearest food court n ate. after our meal me tungling joyce dione tian wei n khee xiang. we started saying ghost stories. den halfway thru stupid alvan came out of a sudden n booed. gave me a shock lo. =x wth. anyway we reali had a fun time lo.
after dat i returned to my xms. actually my main motive was to see sjab. but. hais. dunoe y i felt disappointed. as in i dunoe wat i should do when i go to sjab. i cant possibly teach dem first aid nor footdrill. im not in charge of any squad. nor any tink. wat should i do? im jus a publicity ex-head. whereby not every activity involves my dept. i oso dunoe y i was promoted to staff sergeant. i was like among all staff the lousiest one. all those promoted to staff were all frm training dept. so wat am i doing with dat rank? even thou hawa was frm logistics but she's like a training dept member anyway. hais. reali dunoe lo. felt reali lousy. i dunoe my role in sjab for. hais. beli fan. =x suddenly wish i wun be in otc. otherwise when i get dat rank. i will feel much worse. having dat rank n yet i cant contribute to my corp. all i cna contribute is thru publicity stuff oni. =x. eeps. how lousy i can get. felt reali demoralised sia.

den my erzi stayed along with me. nich came along. helped corina solve a maths qns. den i went to tok to kokwei n adrian a while. i wanted to chat but i tink it wasn't the rite time. i was like crapping n dunoe wat to say. n so i left. i felt bad. but der's reali nth i can do in sjab. shout at dem for running slow? shout at them for doing footdrill wrongly? shout at dem for not listening to the instructors? i cant do it. im not an instructor myself either. nor was i frm training. went to find kelly n we head to the bball court. sze was der too. did a gud tink. me n sze n kelly we help to stop nich n robin frm quarelling n fighting with each other. ger power! yea. dey damn hiong lo. dat piggy nich. so hiong. wth. qian bian lo. so xiao qi. =x but glad dat in de end u let it go. after staying der a while. i went to qiaoli hse with sze n kelly. cos qiaoli was terribly sick for 2 days. food poisoning ma. poor tink she jus lie o n her bed. can see she look beli sick cos of her pale complexion. get well soon ger. =) stay cheery.
later i went home le. =x sigh.

mJc
mJc
entered mjc for the 3 months tink. got into sci stream. was everytink i wanted. =) glad abt it. heys. diary. me been rather gloomy these days. wth. i hate to smile to pretend. cos i dun like ppl coming after me. be it consoling me, asking me or watsoeva. wat's wrong? many tinks wrong. jus cant seem to pin point wateva. jus cant seem to be left alone. otherwise the next moment i wun be smiling le. =x ppl ask me wat's wrong. i jus brushed dem off saying dat im tired.. felt quite glad. de other time when i was reali down. benny called n can sense my feelings. thou i sounded quite alrite. eeps. he's reali my one gud buddy. i love u man. as a fren of cos. =) wat do ppl do when they're upset? sit der n cry? yea. i do dat at times. sumtimes i jus keep listening to music. or even take a long walk. or i jus keep luffing for no rhyme or reason. a rather dumb way to vent ur sadness hur. =x
im so clumsy. i felt so dumb. i guess im quite useless. as in i cant do much at all. everyone nids to takecare of me. everyone's tinking dat im small. well im not. im a grown-up 16 yr old ger. hais. i sounded so pessi all of a sudden. i dun feel like the usual me. wat's wrong. aiyo. mood swing liao. wth. waseh. i nidda get a hold on myself. hmm. .wat shall i do.? oki. get started on such romance stories or books. =) yea. dat should solve it.

been to de dance audition today. gosh. i danced horrid. the worst dance ive danced b4. shimin felt dat abt herself too. hais. isa n joy still oki. but me n min have been dying to enter tis dance cca. =x hais. if i cant enter im gonna lose all interest in dancing le. =X ive always wanted to learn dance. hais. i hope min n me got into it! tml results gonna be out. reali afraid. wat if i cant get in. eeps. reali disappointing abt my performance during dat audition. hais. moreover they taught us belly dance n wanted us to learn the steps n show dem. gosh. wth! damn trch. it was supposed to be sum modern dance steps but dat trch suddenly opened his darn mouth n uttered belly dance! so pig rite! tMd. .beli qian ta leh dat trch! bth. my confidence level dropped from a 8 to 2. gosh. hais. after dat dance audition me n min n joy n isa went round to look for kaiyi. wanting to support her in her bball trial. but she's like nowhere to be found. i even asked ard but to no avail. hais. so i asked them to return home. cos obviously they din wan to stay n look ard further. so i jus stayed in canteen. for 2 whole hours b4 kaiyi came. =x hais. nvm.

suddenly recalled bak to the morning of the day when one of my OG members din wan to move infront of the line n was like blocking everyone's way. n yet she still dare to tell me off asking y she should be the one moving n not me. wth.. said it with so much sarcasm. felt quite pissed at dat moment. n i told her off. so wat if u're frm sum rather gud sch. at least xms students have better manners.
i suddenly have a huge dislike for ppl to tok with a tinge of sarcasm. it jus irks me loads. one of my fren did dat to me today. eeps. was reali pissed. but i reali ren lo. but she jus went on n on. wth. suan le. jan's a nice ger. =X