sjAb
sjAb
mY life has been revolving round sjab for ages. my mum kept complaining n nagging abt it.it's irks me each time we tok till tis topic.
so happie. received a letter saying dat my application for dat OTC course is successful! n im in julliet! intially i tot i wun be able to get in since i din seem to do well for dat interview by lao heng. hmm. jus glad abt it. =)
today 1st aid promotion test for sec 2 to 4s. wish dem all the best sia. =) wil be invilgilating sec 2s theory n practical test on bandaging. hmm.
aiyo. today sec 1s going to nan hua for zone orientation lo. hope they wun disappoint me n do a great job for de dance. =) rmb the cheer i taught u kkie sec 1s. =) jiayou ba! finally it's over. i wun nid to be always in a daze of my own. recaping the songs repeatedly trying to rack my brains for dance steps. haas. wish they were behave at der n not bully our mdm. =p
piangz. kept trying hard to apply the JAE tink but canot lo. the server is always busy. oMg. stayed up late till 3plus still trying to log in. but canot leh. =X fed up sia.. nvm.
darn family. i hate it. detest it. dat damn sister of mine always manage to convince my mum with those big FAT lies of hers. wth. i jus cant stand it. my sis is reali brainless lo. wakaos. going after sly till like dat. get a life. he's not even sumone u noe well. n he has EVERY reason to put on a fake self to u. u dun even noe wat's he's tinking. oh for goodness sake. jus concentrate on ur studies. it has been dropping alrite. thou mum dun say much abt ur results. cos she's totally biased. wth. i jus cant blive i'll have such a lunatic sis. u have a pea-sized brain with a lumpy body indeed. damn it. mum. jus stop ur nagging at all. u make me change my mind. make me change everytink. i hate it. stop giving sum dumb comments. n stop probing into my letters n all. i have my OWN privacy. being my mum doesn't allow u to have a share in my privacy too. jus get away. Pa. u dun even understand anytink n u come to scold off n all. tink for me can. u the most bo chap le n yet tried to act like u noe wat's going on. u dun! so stop hurting me. all of ur dun reali treat me as part of the family at all. u dun inform me as to wateva has happens. u only tell the rest of my siblings. n not me!. .the reunion dinner. when ahgong passed away. the day going to the temple.. .n many others. u have nv tell me b4. i was the last one to find out. even the maids noe it b4 me. how would i feel..? for sure i would feel out of my family. nutty family. i hate it. i tot i wouldn't cry for any matter regarding tis damn family. but. .i cried each single time. stop tagging me. leave me alone.

O'lEvELs
O'lEvELs

gotten bak my results. damn it. it was so disappointing. =x. failed my humanities. much as i hate dat subject, was lousy in dat subject, i doubt i should be given a fail grade for it. but i had. din expect a c5 for my eng. even thou i had done badly for dat compo. =X hais. the rest were alrite. gud tink my amaths n emaths had an a1. otherwise i would have vanished frm tis world. wat pessimistic tots. . . rather glad abt my sci. i had an a1 for dat too. poa a2. expect a1 for dat lo. but nvm. =x hais. had 17 points lo. piangz. tis is the 2nd time i could actually feel my heart shattering. broke down jus like dat. i noe loads of ppl gathered round me dat time. but i jus have no courage to lift my head up to face dem. hais. at dat time i wish i jus had one close buddy to lie on n cry upon. for no reason, i jus felt afraid by the crowd. even thou they were consoling me i felt jus rather uneasy. but i was reali glad. thanks for those concern. juniors frens seniors n all. =)
dat bubble of hope had burst. i felt lonely all of a sudden.
=X life hasn't been going well for me. been teaching sec 1s dance these days. it was difficult. they dun reali listen to wat i say. not dat cooperative at all. moreover with my present state of mood dat makes me feel worse.
im growing stronger. at least i dun harp on sad tots dat long anymore. dancing can actuali make me feel much better. =) yep. at least i could do tinks to cheer myself up. alrite. hais. had yet gotten over my results. felt so useless. jus couldn't come to a decision. i reali wanted to study jc. reali yearned to be a jc student rather than a poly student.my dreams had been dashed. i decided to study in poly.i reali dun wish to retain during my year 1 promos. dat will surely make me lose every little bit of confidence i had in me. im quite certain of it. moreover i wasn't reali confident abt my language. GP n chi is more than enuff for me to handle. dat's the biggest obstacles for me. however cass n sum others kept encouraging me to go jc instead. saying i suit jc rather than poly. i guess they r worried i might change. as in bian huai. hais. was quite disappointed anyway. if i had to bian huai, i would have done so earlier le. guess im rather settled on poly life le. should be taking tourism n hospitality in tp. though my mind seems to be pondering over my decision. my mum seems quite agst me going to jc too. reason being the same as me. =X troubled. if i had gotten better marks for my eng n huamnities i guess i wun get so upset.
dunoe how to express how i feel either. i felt alone. felt as if im losing my every ounce of my strength n willingness. felt as thou im abt to rot away. the feeling is terrible. y do i feel so depressed? i wish to be alone yet not. how contradicting. wishing sumone to clear my confused tots. wishing sumone to comfort me. wishing sumone to bring smiles to me. i dunoe who to turn to. no one to turn to. only to my diary n blog. =X i could jus break down n cry for a few moments for no rhyme or reason. wat's gotten into me? verge of breaking down? nope. im jus worried n depressed. how pathetic. all of a sudden i dun feel strong anymore. the blocks of confidence n all dat ive built up have been knocked down n messed up. breaking away. im stressed up by my mum. i dun like it. =x arghh..stop it man.
i gotta get a life. be strong my ger. no one can help u other than me myself. stay strong. i noe i can do it. even if im studying in a poly. give it my best shot. i can survive.