a song for me. a song i love.

Kelly Clarkson - Behind These Hazel Eyes
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

wth lo. my comp kana reformat again. n all my info are gone!! gONE! my project work, songs, sjab stuff, photos, music, videos!!!!! goodness me. freak it!!! damn comp sia.! =Xxx
jus so damn sad.
hais. wadeva.
im reali sadden by it lo.
darn comp!
went for travgeog project field trip today.
got to noe sumtink bad.
well. im jus so sadden by that.
yet again.
i felt so cooped up. felt so stressed up
with nowhere to relieve. nowhere to release.
hais
:::
it's been long since i cried.
but i din cry today k.
i teared instead.
but i felt a teeny bit better.
i wan to cry.felt so much like crying
i wish to get rid of dat stuffy feeling in me.
a feeling dat seemed to engulf my whole inner self.
i feel..
feel so not myself at all.
esp when im alone.
im lonely.
totally lost.
lost in sumwhere.
where i cldn't find anyone to be with me.
i guess i need
needed sum love.
sum care.
sum concern.
meanwhile. i needed to be alone too
im going bonkers soon.

jus dunoe wat i wan.
alrite. i noe wat i wan.
i wish i can cry now.
right at tis moment
but...

why dun i seem to cry at the appropriate time.!!
fine. maybe it's better tis way.
---
anyway. ive been nice my dear.
dear dear diary.
i din completely shut myself out.
im irked.
irritated.
pissed.
ya. wadeva.
nvm. i'll be nice still.
but im aleli out of my wits.
gasps. i'll be nice still den.
:::

diary. nites out.
thanks for being der when i needed u most.

a sweet dearie song.. =]

没有你的每一天 (徐婕兒)

回家的路總是很遠 話少得很可憐
一個人的晚餐 都是孤單的滋味
看見身邊重复上演 屬於我們的畫面
選擇逃避的眼 怎麼還是會流淚

愛著你的每一天 你就是我的世界
那時候還以為 我就愛這一遍
没有你的每一天 快樂離我好遙遠
心已隨你走了 還能用什麼感覺

我捨不得睜開眼睛 害怕身邊没有你
也許在夢境裡 是我們最近的距離
想念你温熱的手心 冷風裡把我握緊
當冬天又來臨 這温度該怎麼延續

謝謝你曾經愛過我 給我最美的經過
但生命最愛被剝奪 未來的路該怎麼走

Mei You Ni De Mei Yi Tian (Xu Jie Er)

Hui jia de lu zong shi hen yuan Hua shao de hen ke lian
Yi ge ren de wan can Dou shi gu dan de zhi wei
Kan jian shen bian chong fu shang yan Shu yu wo men de hua mian
Xuan ze tiao pi de yan Zen me hai shi hui liu lei

Ai zhe ni de mei yi tian Ni jiu shi wo de shi jie
Na shi hou hai yi wei Wo jiu ai zhe yi bian
Mei you ni de mei yi tian Kuai le li wo hao yao yuan
Xin yi sui ni zou le Hai neng yong she me gan jue

Wo she bu de zheng kai yan jing Hai pa shen bian mei you ni
Ye xu zai meng jing li Shi wo men zui jin de ju li
Xiang nian ni wen re de shou xin Leng feng li ba wo wo jin
Dang dong tian you lai lin Zhe wen du gai zen me yan xu

Xie xie ni ceng jing ai guo wo Gei wo zui mei de jing guo
Dan sheng ming zui ai bei bo duo Wei lai de lu gai zen me zou

wat the heck.
hMpf. me mafan? say me mafan! wth. =xx jus sign off like dat. so xiao qi. i reali din want to say anytink lo. it's has always been my habit to write "hmm" for nth. n u ...fine wadeva! do wat u wan den. i reali meant nth lo. =xxx pig!!!!

diary. ban him!

guess waT!!!! derrick's in!!!! *hoorrayyss. =D so damn excited abt it for him. he's jus so fantastic, incredibly fabulous! =p love him to bits n pieces. muahahas. if only he's in tp.!! haas. too bad he's in np, where yun has the one in so many many chances to meet him. =Xxx. haas. wadever. im satisfied jus watching him frm afar. xp a silent supporter. LOLs.

hmm. i feel dat actually hagen is not a bad guy either. he's rather talented sia. noe dancing, composing n singing. all rounders lo. =) plus he seems nice too. hmm jiayou ba*

oh ya. cried when saw chanel's end speech. it's so encouraging. she said she's not like others who treat tis experience as beautiful memories, instead she treat them as a lesson learnt. could see that she reali put in her 101% into all her performances n dat she reali yearns to stand out in tis competition. but.. hais. her speech is indeed touching sia. =Xx. made me realise quite a few tinks too. i guess it has been an ardous journey on her. *u can do it all the bext chanel! =]

bak to poly life. =Xx gosh. ever wondered how much my workload is rite now? the projects work are in fact piling up each day! =Xx but i jus had no idea where to get started. even if ive got a headstart, sumtimes i do wonder to myself if im on the rite track. it's so tedious! so tiring everydayy. everynite, on an average my class ppl usuall slps at 2 to 3 plus, only to wake up the next morning at 6 plus to 7 plus. with a mere 4 hr slping time, it's definitely not enuff!!! =Xx sickO projects. i wish it's ending...endinggg..
oh ya.
hais.
diary. drag me out frm tis mess. i hate it. im dreading it.

sumtink i came across =]

***
i'm drowning in thoughts
of how things used to be
my chest was shut tight complete with purity
my soul has now fled
it's my body alone
and it's far too much hurt
for my heart to come home
i give it up now there's no way to win
without you here my world still spins
***

*cheers for the last statement made. =] nites diary.

im so so so so tired. gosh. completely 4got abt the issue presentation powerpoint. still rushing now. but too tired to continue. =xx hope tml i wake up on time. n not late for lessons. hais. hols has ended!!!! =Xxx
i so much need holidays. but it has been totally filled. siCk..~
gonna turn in soon.
nites diary. *hugs.

If Tomorrow Never Comes
If Tomorrow Never Comes
If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly.
If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minture or two to stop and say "I love you", instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything right.
There will always be another day to say our "I love you", and certainly there's another chance to say our "anything I can do?".
But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you, miss you and hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight...
So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day
That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear, tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear.
Take time to say "I'm sorry, please forgive me", "thank you" or it's okay".
And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

darn. having ulcers in the mouth is indeed a torture! =Xx gosh hate it lo. been working the whole day, keeping my mouth shut. =xxx din approach a single customers lo. onli wait der for ppl to tok to me. gosh. my worst day at work i can say. so difficult to tok. hate it!!!!! X(
im finding my job a bore now! im dreading it as day goes... eeppps. im gonna quit!! tis time im determined. otherwise, i wun have much spare time at all lo..
jus hope my mum wun quarrel with me over tis issue.. she oways wanted me to work when im studying!!! wTH. oways compared me to my aunt. cos my aunt worked while she's in poly during her poly days. goodness gracious, dat's so long ago lo. dun she noe the workload increases as the generation passes... wadeva..
im sick of her. sick of my family. sick of everytink regarding dem. =Xx
dun i deserve a better caring family.. jus a family who does care for me, occasionally taking me out for shopping or outing to beach. wadeva. as long der's family day for us. i hate it. we seem so dispersed. so not like a family. dun even eat together on the same table. dun even acknowledge each other when reach home. wad the hell. to tink im being brought up in tis family. gOsh. im lucky hur.
now another tink on my mind. sjab. reali tink xms sjab quite cham lo. so disorganised n everytink. =xx hope the meeting will organised tinks up a bit.
poly life has so far been alrite for me, apart frm de fact i had a bunch of crazy frens. real crazy mind u. lols. bt fun-loving of cos.
missing all my frens. i so hope i had all the time in the world jus to go out with all my sec sch frens whom i missed so so so so so much...mighty8 oranjees isa hueyen kaiyi sock genex adrian siyong weijie liangyou benny yongqiang yisze jasmine&gang wilsonErZi&gang kelly KOHfamily..well. dat's a lot more to list. epps. where to find such time sia.. hais..
has been long long while ever since i met isa. ISA ZHONG! u better dun let me noe u nv miss me.. haas.. reali wish to meet up with u sia.. =p
benny. i rmb ur bday lo. =xx dun blive. hmm. reali wish u happie sia. with ur current gf. treasure ba. =) dun hua xin.. Xp jus kidding.
weiijie..haas wondering wat uve been doing sia. lols. haven been seeing u for quite a while too. miss me? =) haas. i noe u do rite.. lols. free must ask me out wor. better not 4get me tis gud fren..=p
sze ar..dunoe wat uve been doing.. better be guai lo. gosh. de last time u told me dat u pierce. reali had a big shock. feel like boxing u leh. =X stupid u. pierce for wat!!! hmm. any prob must tok to me wor. =p forget me not hur.
wondering wat mighty8 has been.. haven been in contact thou. except yun n sel ba.. =xx hope all of u are doing fine ba. =) (muaks! x 8)
jas! haas. i got miss u de hor. dun accuse me say nv.. lols. u better start study exams le wor. coming le leh. i noe u'll do well de. rite?? haas. better not disappoint me sia. n make doubly sure im the 1st to noe ur results hor!!!!!! haas =p
kevin. ure reali a caring one. =) i said those words frm the bottom of my heart de wor. kekes. thanks for all ur concern n care. haas. i appreciate indeed. u too. better concentrate on studies too kkie. n make triply sure im the 1st to noe ur results!!! =D
vian n stella. haas. my dearest nu-er ar. long time nv chat with ur. hope ur dun 4get ur tis little mummy. thou i might play a rather insignificant role in ur life, at least i make an impact rite? haas.u'll rmb me ba? kekes. i reali miss ur dearly. reali hope all of us cld get together one fine day. preferably after all ur exams ba! must jiayou sia! =D pls make fourly sure im the 1st to noe den! =p
erzi.. hmm dun tink so much le wor. n...pls be guai!!! n study!!!!! haas. pls start studying sia. i dun wish to pei u go round other secondary sch asking for vacancies again sia. haas. no no no. u better stay in xms! =D dat's where i wan u to be. it's a fine place. reali. trust ur mummi. i noe u can do it. jus be less playful la. dun let me see u in foyer again sia. kekes. jiayou for ur exams kkie. hmm. any prob mummi stand by u de wor. =)
kelly! my long lost mei ar. like so long nv tok or see each other le. haas. can rmb ur cheeky face. LOLs. miss me rite? kekes. me too lo!!! =D *hugs gotta meet one day hur. =p cYa soon.
ORANJEEES!!! kendrick wong.. u tis captain. go set an outing date leh. nv outing beli long le leh. haas. organise le tell me wor!!! hope to hear frm u soon. =p

alrite. enuff said. hais. im reali missing everyone lo. =xx miss my sec sch life. if oni every second of my life is recorded. gosh. dat'll be so gud. so memorable. =Xx wadeva..
diary. muaks* love ya.

sianz..
gosh. still gotta work for acuvue later at toa payoh. =Xxx hope dat'll be a better place. hais. dreading tis job more n more..

fCUk oFf ::: get out of my life..
fCUk oFf ::: get out of my life..
fcuk. i hate u all. ive always hated ur so much!!! when was the last time u ever spare a tot for me. to even tot of me abt sumtink. or even had a nice chat with me. or even bothered abt me. all u cared abt is wealth, results RESULTS.. do all that jus revolve round ur life only.. it saddens me. reali reali saddens me.
u r so damn self-centered. u tot u are always rite, always so high-n-mighty over-riding on all of us. wth. have u ever for a moment put urself in my shoes, spare a tot or me, tink for me. maybe for once. jus once i cld be rite abt it.
wat the hell are results. jus a piece of junk indicating the number of As scored? or jus a piece of paper u can bring around to boast about. fcuk. so wat i hadnt scored well for my studies. wat's de big deal. who says ppl without As are useless. suxs. ure a bigheaded freak. i hate u. y must u bring me to tis world to be with u.
dat slap u gave me. im gonna rmb it. its gonna be marked in my soul. how i wish i cld return u dat tight slap, dat ugly red streak across my face. u better thank ur lucky stars dat me, ur daughter. yes. UR DAUGHTER has at least the basic respect for u.
uve nv treated me as the eldest. im not the most useless kkie. so wat if mei is in st nich. is xinmin dat bad? NO! fcuking no! i hated u being my mum. i hated u being my dad.i hated u being part of my family. spoiling almost every single day of my life. i hate quarelling. i hate fights. esp with u all. cos i noe i'll give in. no mater wat. u jus wan to win.
almost everyone. bah. EVERYONE who are almost strangers to us tot mei is elder than me. Y? great qns. the way u always pass responsibilities to her, they way u treat her n many many more. ppl often say the eldest child is always the most doted child. HELL NO! ..i dun shirk responsibilities n i can do so much more tinks many many thousand times better than mei. in terms of responsibility, im definitely much better than her! im sure. but why. jus why... i hate it. wateva tinks ive always wanted, in the end u'll jus buy for mei.
im often scolded for tinks not done by me. jus why... when mei do wrong tinks. u dun scold her as harsh as u did to me!!!! dat's so unfair. she took my stuff without permission, moreover my private or precious stuff. all u jus say was utter "dun do it again oki"...fcuk off. u tink dat phrase works? suxs.. it doesn't!! i reali tink i have damn gud tolerance...to be able to withstand till tis day indeed requires my alot of my courage, broken pride, tolerance and so much so much more. im jus so filled with fury. or shld i say hatred.
u can say im jealous. im childish. WADEVER! ive nv tot ive received love frm tis darn family. NV! there's nv been a family event whereby i noe of it beforehand. it's always at the last minute. ALWAYS. im always the last to noe abt every single detail. wadever i do, u're jus not happy abt it. always critising wadever i do.
it's precisely bcos o tis n dat's y i turn to my frens. i hate staying at home! HATE!!! i turn to sjab. cos dat's where i can find care n love frm frens. dat's where i can find a place of my own. my own paradise. even dat u're stopping me! u're almost against everytink dat ive done.
now dat ive started schling. i dun actually wanted to work. but u forced me to. initially i jus wanted for the experience. but rite now. im finding it rather hard to juggle my stuff. n u blamed all dat on sjab n dance.! damn it. dance is my only way whereby i can truely enjoy myself. n u're tarnishing tis dream of mine. i reali hate u. reali reali hate u.
im feeling so agonised. felt lost. so lost. do i reali have nowhere to turn to. i hate it. hate u especially. hateful family..
i dunoe y i cld cry tis hard. dun understand y i can cry tis hard. i felt hurt.. it's hurting to noe dat my family dun love or welcome me. even if they do, i dun. jus leave me alone. i nid sum calming down.

diary..i nid u.