eeps. i dun like ur. reali dun like lo. =xx
hais. dun wan celebrate den dun wan. no big deal.
i have gotten use to not the un-warmth feeling in tis family.
ive nv felt real happiness in here either.
it's like an empty shell dat acts like a shelter for me oni.
ONLY.
coming up with excuses is useless.
moreover excuses dat says:
"i busy with 7th month, no time buy cake. no nid celebrate"
alrite. fine! wadever lo.
celebrate for wat!
dat phrase has been ringing thru my head.
oki. i mind a lot.
i reali do mind a lot.
i mean. it's so damn unfair.
y do the older i get, the more u dun wan to celebrate my bday.
whereas, the older i get, the more i wan to celebrte my bday with ur.
y must the older the child gets, the lesser love she gets frm her family.
the more outcast she'll feel.
the less care n concern she'll get.
y...
i dun feel like the older child.
not at all.
never at all.
where's all the tinks u promised me.
u nv made it.
neither did u try to make true ur promise.
u nv tried.
y make me empty promises.
dat's hateful.
i detest u.
my sis got her bday present. mp3.
u din even buy dat for me.
n u said u'll buy an apply ipod for me instead.
nah. dat's another white lie.
again! AGAIN!
im jus so sure u wun buy it
so so so sure.
yep. n im rite.
jus let me recall bak when's the last present u ever gave me.
hmm.
well. guess it's bak during my rpiamry sch days
where i had held onto tis educational toy u gave me.
thou it wasn't at all expensive.
wat matters most was the tot dat counts.
=] i love dat toy.
dat even till tis day, im still keeping it, thou it has rusted n spoilt.
but. wat abt u.
i gave u a heart pendant last yr.
where izit now.
gone. spoilt by didi.
i gave u flowers tis year.
u actually threw it into the dustbin.
i oni noe it when i saw it with my very own eyes.
where's all the cards dat i wrote n draw for u.
even if im so damn busy with my work,
i stil fork out time to do such thotful stuff for u.
wat did u do to dem.
u threw dem
leave dem ard
didi went to draw dem, tear dem.
wadeva!
n they were thrown away in the end.
ever tot how i feel.
among all siblings, im very sure
so so so sure.
im the oni totful one.
but.
u nv appreciate dem.
u NV!
u noe how hurtful dat was.
how much it actually saddens me.
u might tink i dun care abt such stuff.
but in fact. i dO!
i mind a lot abt such tinks.
does results all dat matters to u.
why do u trust ar mei so much more.
jus cos of dat darn sheet of result paper
wat the hell.
i can draw more of such result paper for u.
drawn with A* on it too
if dat's all u ever wanted so much.
u r uncaring.
untotful.
inconsiderate.
hateful.
u made me feel so inferior in tis family.
made me feel as if im nothing to u.
u said dat to me b4.
"without u in tis family, i oso dun care. i still have 4 other worthy siblings whom i can fall bak upon!"
heys. u said dat oki.
im so so sure.
dat sentence was imprinted in my memory ever since den.
n it was said after a stinging slap frm ur darn hand.
i so much wanted to return dat slap bak.
so much wanted to!
but i respected u.
wat abt u.
u dun.
u dun oki!
even daddy dun too.
both of u a the same kind.
dunoe why the hell u born me out for.
a playing tool
ya wadeva.
wadever stuff u jus gave to ar mei.
wadever qns u have u always approach her 1st
wadever stuff or happenings going in the family, im always the last to noe abt it
ALWAYS the LAST!
even the maids noe it earlier den me.
look.
it's so ironic.
mothers are the best in the world.
haas. dat's crap
best cos they managed to suffer that amount of pain during child-bearing?
hur. rubbish.
im so utterly disappointed.
sadden by u..
freak out.
diary. give me another family. wiill u?. i nid love. care. n warmth.
