i hate my mom.
nope.
i hate my family.
nt reali.
i hate my parents.
that feeling of dislike has been hiding in a corner of heart ever since.
jus crept out a few hrs ago.
i wan to hide.
i wish im hiding.
to block me away frm my dreaded family.
the terror home.
i hate being in der.
it's not dat ive nv tried.
i tried.
i tried!
but it din work out well.
wat.
with all those attitude u gave me.
it's as if u hv a 10-yr enmity with me.
fuck.
im ur daughter.
ur flesh n blood.
must the eldest be suffering all these.
i felt so much like a guinea pig instead.
i felt so cheated.
cheated out of everytink.
many times i often ponder.
of all families.
ive got to be born in tis.
there's so much tinks i wanted so much to disagree with.
but i cant.
i had to respect ur decision.
ur always rite while im always in the wrong.
isn't it?
but look here. u aren't mr and mrs right.
be practical.
results ain't everytink u see.
i felt so much injustice in tis family.
it's totally unfair.
unfair to me.
biased.
so so biased.
i hate to cry.
i hate to always have to cry over my family.
u can say i always dun bother with the family.
but.
i reali do bother.
i mean
who the hell dun care abt their own family.
even if they do say.
but in fact they do.
they do.
at least i am.
i hate crying.
it makes my eyes red
nose red
so watery.
so xin ku.
cant slp till 2 hrs later.
otherwise next morning eyes swell.
i jus dun understand
dun understand at all
how come my tutor can understand me much better.
so so much better
it's always her who advise u on wad to do abt me.
she noes me much better den u do.
she understands wad im going thru
she noes how i feel.
at least she can see the hard work ive put in.
but not u.
n it's nv u.
n it'll nv be u at all.
i hate it mom. esp when u cry.
u made me feel hurt.
cos u dun understand me at all.
u din spare a tot.
neither did u try putting urself in my situation
even so the moment u cry.
dad comes out.
n made me hate him even more.
he too.
another brainless one.
i do put myself in ur shoes alrite.
stop saying i din tink for the family n all.
i did!
for goodness sake.
it's u who din spare a tot at all.
not at all
nv at all!
ure jus so silly.
at times i wish to reali tell u off.
u seem to treat grandma so for guranted.
sometimes u r jus so damn rude to her.
i feel like giving u a slap on her behalf.
daddy oso.
wad the hell.
she's ur mum lo.
n it isn't her fault at times.
but u'll jus have to scream at her n tell her off.
same goes with dad.
fuck off.
many times i feel so much urge to shout dat at ur.
i felt so angry for grandma.
i hate it.
ur so disrespectful.
i dunoe myself.
y i feel so much sadness.
y must tinks turn out tis way
no amt of consoling or confiding can make me feel better.
well. time heals all wounds.
i hope so too.
chatting with yun earlier on.
makes me so much wanted to cry.
reali cry out loud.
but i dun wan her to feel at a loss.
it's hard to console a sobbing ger.
thru phone sumore.
yun.
reali thanks. =]
u reali understand me well.
i understand why gers are made of tears.
i dun wanna cry for such tinks ever again.
a slap for me if i cry again..
a tight slap.
gotta be brave.
gotta be strong.
im a brave n strong leo ger. ya?
diary:
=] jan. take care. n i mean reali take care..
