jus so out of words.
so lost.
its nobody's fault.
jus a matter of mindset.
hais. wadever.
it'll jus blow over soon.
i guess.
i think.
i hope.

was rather happy dardar cares so much for me. =]
haas. my dardar. my dardar.
but he so silly!
waste taxi fare jus to pei me up the lift.
i 17yrs old le sia.
going up a lift is still oki for me.
haas. but nvm
wad matters most is the sincerity.
hmm. dardar. must save lo.
dun forget 4 years plan.
=].. miss him dearly.

cham le.
tml exams.
haben realli study much.
=xx
gud luck jan!..

*diary. =] muaks.

02Dec05
went to find ken after i finished with my resume n coverletter.
cos he pei-ing me go recce for the hike - amazing race for the nco course.
=]... so damn nice ba. haas. my dear ma.
den ah di n xiaojun followed us too. his best fren.
gosh. dat's the 1st 1st 1st time i ever pillar rode on a bike.
n.. erm. it's an awful experience.
haas. but not quite awful either.
sum wat it feels like a touching yet happy experience thou. =D *smiles
the road was rather bumpy n my butt hurts!
argh..
they rode down defu lane n soon we reached hougang plaza, my 1st checkpoint.
explore te area n we move on to blk 520.
ken's so so thoughtful.
haas. he carried my bag thou i can see he's feeling rather fatigue n worn out.
my wei da de darling. =]

anyway. on the way back to bedok.
the route is worse.
there's jus too many up slopes.
furthermore the bike was working well.
n cld see he couldn't take it further le.
but even so he tried his very best. =]
soon after we lagged behind ahdi so much we lost sight of him.
later on ahdi came riding bak to find us
n we decided dat me n xiaojun take cab to ah di's n xiaojun's hse.
while they rode the bike all the way bak to their hse.
den me n xiaojun chatted n tried flagging a cab.
but no cab =x..
took a bus instead.
n met up with ken n ahdi.
took a bath at ahdi's hse n stayed there.
den a guy came to his hse n passed him the glider he bought.
a rather cute animal thou.
like squirrel. =]

soon it was getting too late.
dear sent me home.
felt so sweet n loving. =]
well..thou a little upset.
cos he seems so displeased with my sjab frens.
=x hais..
but i reali do feel a little angry thou..
as officers n yet they couldn't be more than responsible to complete tasks.
cant even take any initiative either.
not the 1st time.
all of a sudden.
i felt gers r so much superior at handling.
esp at planning n organising.
s3 dept nora is an example too.
for no ryhme or reason. most guys simply jus sux at dat.
alrite.
-peace out-

03dec05
i noe ur down.
understand why u're feeling dat way.
hope tobe der for u.
but instead.
i felt so unwanted.
so not needed.
so lost.
wondering wad's going thru ur mind den.
dunoe wad to say.
i kept quiet.
u're even quieter.
shalln't tink more than dat.
dun wan wild tots to flood my mind.
i'll break down.
im sure.
no no no jan.
=] leo ger..