the 1st breakup hurts.
but tis time round it hurts more.
cos i lost my world. my life.
u came so quickly.
yet leave so suddenly.
it came in a total surprise for me.
too big a blow.
i reali cant take it.
i dun understand y.
to be cheated for 6 mths..
not a clue. not a hint.
not i reali dunoe which part of ur words were the truth.
which were the lies.
my heart aches.
aches so much i cldnt get myself to slp.
had to force myself smiling at those customers with those red blotchy eyes of mine.
was reali touched.
reali touched to see kaiyi yun n xian who came to look for me
i reali dunoe wad to do if they werent there.
i wun noe how to handle it.
the feeling is too immense.
it happened too fast.
n u were too determined.
wad has gone wrong.
called u a million times thru the whole nite.
sms u a thousand times thru the whole nite.
neither do i receive an sms reply nor a return call.
does ignorance helps?
we're in 2 different worlds. we dun suit each other.
u said tis.
den y bother to start rite from the beginning?
i did try to compromise.
i din break any promises at all
listened to u..
wad abt u.
broke all promises.
shattered my heart.
n yet left saying u dun wish to cause me anymore hurt.
saying to treat u as the bad guy.
saying u love me no more.
the ache jus build up.
the burden jus pile up.
my tears jus flow.
no matter how hard i tried to restrain.
ive nv loved anyone dat hard b4.
nv love anyone dat much b4.
u taught me how to be in a serious relationship.
but wad u din taught me is.
how to be out of a serious relationship.
n now u're leaving me alone.
alone to fend for myself.
tinking dat by smsing my frens to takecare of me does help.
it doesnt.
the hurt still remains.
no less. but more.
i noe u do love me still.
y deny.
it hurts me most when u said it to me thru phone.
as if thousands needles were pricking my heart.
as if a thunderbolt has struck thru.
ive nv felt crazier than b4.
nv cld imagine myself smoking.
but i did.
cried hard while doing it.
cos i wan to noe.
wads so gud abt smoking dat u almost gave me up for the 1st breakup.
it was heartbreaking my dear.
if u had told me u cldnt quit smoking from the start
it'll be oki with me.
reali..
cos i detest promises to be broken.
u too isn't it?
den y break promises u made to me?
wads hurts me most is.
u went to pub.
n noe a ger.
n yet went out with her.
so wads abt the booasting saying u nv meet gers.
n complaining abt how i have to always get in touch with guys.
how crap dat can be.
definitely a heart-wrenching news.
memories jus flooded my mind.
the raining days while waiting for a cab.
the bicycle ride.
my first hug.
my first kiss.
my first valentine's day.
my first bouquet of flowers.
the candlelight dinner.
the sparklers.
the candles competition.
the neoprints.
the first time u taught to to drink.
the first time we swim together.
the day i was sick n u took gud care of me.
how we get together.
how u held my hands n say "no matter wad happens we wun break. nothing. absolutely nothing"
the day u brought the 1000pieces jigsaw puzzle to my hse but till now left undone.
the day we wore a tshirt n shorts down to hougang mall to buy apples for grandma n u said we look like we r a married couple who are going to the nearest supermarket to buy some necessities, n u said we looked so sweet n loving, so cute u said.
rmbered how i always buy a pkt of green mint sweets for u to help u quit smoking.
rmb the day u told me happily dat. u decided to quit smoking.
rmb the day suddenly u tell me u smoke bak, n yet later u say u quit.
rmb how u taught me n train me not to be afraid of tickles.
the first card u made for me.
how u wld always buy chocs to make me happy.
how fat we grow under each other's influences n care for each other's proper meals.
the 2 pair of earrings u bought for me. so damn ex.
the day we shared a bottle of alcohol each on cab to my hse.
how u laughed at the "I Love U" colourful DIY curtain i made for u n u said it was like a windchime, so noisy.
the times u taught me how to sing.
u taught me to finish all meals clean, not even a speck of rice.
helped me rearrange my room.
help me to paint my hse.
the days we maple together.
our fantasies on travelling. saying u will bring me to genting, thailand n more.
u saying i will surely be ur wife. n u said to trust u.
i wanted to.
but i wonder if i can still hope for dat.
probably the only barrier now is wad ur mind is tinking of now.
y not follow ur heart.
wldnt u be happier dat way?
i followed my heart.
n dats y.
dats y i din give up.
not even till tis moment,
not even after all the hurts n aches.
not even after u ignore me
n only acknowledge me as merely a fren.
not even after all u said to me.
i still perserve.
i din give up.
i tried hard.
wad abt u?
put in some effort will u?
im trying hard.
but its tired.
having to handle all these.
i need u. cos i love u.
u r my life. my world. my everytink darling.
im not going to care wadeva tinks u have done in the past.
let's start anew alrite?
a new beginning.
a sweet story with no ending.
lets forget abt the tinks dat has happened.
im willing to do it.
wad abt u?
i'll be waiting.
waiting till the day u wake up.
n realised u do nid me.
nid me cos u love me.
wun ever leave me again.
wun ever lie or bluff to me again.
will love only me.
whereby the special place in ur heart i stay forever.
whereby no one can share tis special seating of mine in ur heart.
no one, only me.
i'll still be waiting my dear.
i'll keep in contact with u everyday.
but hopefully u will reply.
but if one day i din sms u.
probably i nid u at that moment,
jus spend a few minutes to call me will u?
perhaps sumtink big has happened dat i can no longer take it.
but still, i'll be waiting.
waiting for u darling.
love u loads.
miss u alot. alot alot.
