i wish i was an orphan.
or perhaps born in another family.
suddenly.
i have tis desire.
tis wish.
tis hope.
dat my parents will jus die in an accident.
i reali wish they can jus disappear frm the surface of tis world.
i hate them
hate them to the core.
hate them to the point of wishing they're better off dead.

they're a burden to my life.
hindrance to my happiness.
buggers.
cant wait to get rid of them.
i dun wan any family ties with them at all.
i wan to grow up.
at the age of 21,
i wan to sever all ties.
i had enuf!
nearly 18 yrs of misery.
hardship. sorrows.
it's reali enuf.
jus fuck off man.

wad's all the crap abt me not caring abt family.
den wad's all the crap when u ignore all my care for the family.
u told me to shut up.
shouted at me.
creamed at me.
scolded me.
bang the door in my face.
threw the gifts i gave.
destroy the cards i painstakingly did.
wad the hell.
how do i feel?

and now.
when ive finally found the light in my life.
the ray of happiness in my life.
u wanted to take it away.
am i the selfish one.
or are U THE SELFISH ONE!

ive hurt u.
u said it.
u nv tink for the family at all.
u said it.
but. ever tot of all the shame n hurt ive suffered.
thru these 18 yrs
ever tot abt how i feel thru these 18 yrs.

u shamed me infront of all relatives.
saying i shed crocodile's tears when i cried during grandma's funeral.
wtf.
how untrue dat was.
noe how much dat hurts me?
it leaves a deep scar dat i noe will nv heal.
dat was the time.
the time ive changed.
changed into someone who hates her family.
cos i realise.
no family members will ever say such heart-piercing words to each other.

ive lost all hope in my family.
amidst my efforts in bonding with my family.
i failed thoroughly.
my sis is forever so damn rude to me.
who is ever screaming at me instead of toking nicely.
who will only tok nicely to me when she nids sumtink frm me.
how hypocrite.
i rmbed all mother's day.
her bday.
made cards.
got her a gift.
so wad.
she'll jus chuck it aside without taking a second look.
and then it'll be gone in 1 day time.
a bitch who nv bother to listen to wad i hv to say.
who tinks wadeva she says is always rite.
who tinks she noe everytink in tis world.
who loves bitching bad stuff to outsiders abt me.
who wld rather side outsiders than me.

i reali wonder if ive been picked up frm the rubbish chute.
no no.
i shld say.
i wish i WAS taken frm the rubbish chute.
they arent my parents at all.
my parents r jus sumwhere out there.
awaiting for my return.

even when im sick.
i cant seem to tell dat bitch at all.
cos i'll be scolded n den ignored.
im like treated transparent in tis family.
as if im jus a tenant in tis apartment.
it's like a hotel for me to stay in oni.

only my other grandma.
only she.
she's the only one in the family who truly cares abt me.
she'll takecare of me when im sick.
n ask how am i.
she reali cares abt me.
the only precious one.

i hate it when dat fucking woman scold my grandma.
she's ever so damn rude to her.
she has nv wished my grandma hapie bday nor happy mother's day.
unlike the rest of my grandma's daughters.
dat sucky guy too.
rude to my grandma too.
wtf.
n yet they deemed respect frm me!
where the hell is setting up a gud example.
2 stupid jerks who r jobless now.
always going to altar to pray to god.
donate to them.
in the hope of strinking a million lottery?
damn! dream on man.
wake up frm ur fantasies!
complaining poor n yet not looking for a job.
u tink praying to those deities help u earn money?
get a life la.
how useless can u get.

n now i can feel how my grandma felt.
when one day she asked me.
if i will wan to live with her alone if she reali decided to move out to stay on her way.
cos like me, she had enuf frm my family too.
a terrorhouse.
a terrorhome.
a living hell!