its day 5. n im still counting down to the number of days b4 we got together again.
im sure.
im sure he'll love me again.

he jus ended work.
n he did as promised.
n called me bak.
i was reali hapie.
reali hapie.
cos ive been staying up the whole nite.
jus waiting for tis special call.
no matter how tired i was.
i forced myself to be awake.
n finally he called.

tok on the phone.
he din say much.
jus said.
he'll hurriedly return me my money.
n oso he was grateful to me.
n dats all.

i jus cldnt hide my feelings anymore.
he seem so heck care.
so nonchalent abt my feelings.
i admited.
i do miss him alot.
the words jus blurt out frm my mouth.
all he said was.
he has completed lost all feelings for me.
reali completely.
i knew tis time those words were for real.
i have to blive it.
i cld sense his seriousness.
he is reali serious.
n he meant it.
the breakup is for real.

he reali means only friendship between us.
no more than dat.
hur.. frens.
at least we're still frens.
shld have thank my lucky stars.

n ive realised wads the reason.
he said im childish n immature.
cos probably i dun understand his situation sumtimes.
like regarding his job.

its not that i dun understand.
u noe how insecure i felt having alreadi broke up 2 times before
n tis being the 3rd time?
n all 3 times were initiated by u.
how do u tink i feel?
its not dat i lose trust in u.
it's dat im afraid.
each time u din return my call.
din pick up my call.
din reply my sms.
or din sms me.
within an hour.
i'll be so tensed up.
so afraid dat history might repeat itself.
afraid u'll ignore me again.
afraid something might happen to u.
jus the same way u wld have worry for me
when i din reply ur sms or din return ur call.
isn't it?
it is.
but have u ever realised.
ever since the 1st short breakup
u'll nv have to wait more than half hour to get my sms reply
or a return call frm me?
even if my hp low batt.
i will still find ways to contact u
n let u noe.
surely i'll not let u worry.
but it's different now.
cos im the one worrying now.

not dat i dun understand ur work scope.
but sumtimes i can dun get ur sms reply
a call from u.
for a whole 5 to 6 hours.
wun u go for toilet breaks?
smoking breaks?
meal breaks?
even a short sms saying u mis me is fine enuff.
so i noe u're doing fine.

u're working in a cargo industry.
i'll nv noe if sumtink reali happens to u.
have u realised?
cos ur colleagues dunoe who i am.
they'll nv contact me if sumtink reali happens.
im jus afraid for u.
worried for u.

but u'll nv noe tis.
cos it seems u nv tried to understand.
if u had
u'll take the patience.
to let me understand.
y u tot im immature n childish.
but the tink is.
u've nv told me tis b4.
nv.
n dats wad dat is spoiling tis relationship.
im jus so disappointed dat i can be xian qi
jus cos of im immature n childish.
im reali shocked.

y cant we jus sort it out.
y mus it end in a breakup.
y mus u hurt me so much.
n only to back it with such a dumb reason
which i cant accept at all.

im not childish
im not immature.
probably u haven taken the time to tink abt y i do tis.
even if i overdo it.
u can tell me.
i'll listen to u.
i will listen.
i'll reali listen.

i jus wish u'll understand.
understand dat u have to be patient.
patient in teaching me.
u used to have it.
but wad happen now?

the pain is so real.
the hurt is so real.
the heartache is a feeling.
i'll wish nv to suffer frm.
it's getting worse.
n tis time.
i guess it's the greatest hit ive received frm u.

cos i dun wan to be hurt anymore.
no more.
i'll be hapie.
i'll smile.
i will cry no more.
even thou i noe it's difficult.
difficult to live a totally new life
without u by my side.
without ur company.
without ur love.
but i guess i can still manage.
i guess i'll have to keep u.
not forget u.
cos i'll nv bear to do so.
n nv be able to do it.
i'll keep u in the bottom of my heart.
n jus let the hurt fade away.
in the hope dat one day.
one day u'll realise my importance to u.
realise how much u nid me.
how much u love me.
but by den.
u'll have to tink of the most creative way
sweetest way with the biggest surprises to win me bak to ur side.
u'll nid to build the trust between u n me.
dat's difficult.
but u said u'll nv give up.
so u cant.

i'll look forward to the day.
i'll reali do.
cos i still love u darling.
n im missing u so much.
my dear,
u'll have to learn to treasure me.
love me.
protect me.
u'll learn.
u'll learn.