5 tinks important in my life.

LOVE
TRUST
FAITH
FRIENDS
BABY



FAMILY - you'll never be on my list.




i simply felt so disregarded in tis terror terrain.
in tis horrible place called.
HOME!
wtf.
i nv feel any love out of it.
no warmth.
no care.
no concern.
jus plain insults.
crap.
n demands.
who says family are people u can never live without.
no way.
to me. it's ppl i shld live without.
even adopted kids have better family.

i lost my family ages bak.
lost my place in tis once lovely place.
lost my hold.
lost my dignity.
lost wadeva dat was supposed to be mine.
i felt so insulted.
so out of my place.
why shld i care abt anyone of u in the first place.
when all i was needed was only when u needed my strengths so badly
as sis cldnt make up for it.
that is. my maths skills.
fuck.
im not a machine.
i have feelings.
why push me out of the way treating me as if im a step-daughter.

shldnt the eldest deserve some respect.
not as if i did some shameful tinks outside
dat cause so much disgrace to this darn family
for u to treat me like dirt.
fuck.

sumore i felt hurt.
felt so damn fucking hurt.
why shld i be in the first place.
didn't i said i hate tis family.
didn't i say i will no longer care abt tis family.

fuck.
den why do every lil tink u do to me
makes me feel so uncared for.
so unwanted in tis home.
so all-for-nothing.
so hurt.
its so unfair.
why am i de only one having suffering frm such biasness

i swear.
i'll no longer bake any cakes for tis horrid ppl.
no more lil gifts or food for them at all.
no more care n concern.
no more wishing them on their bday.
esp dat bitch.

but not my grandma.
cos i love her to bits.

probably not my dad either.
cos he cares too less to be involved in tis horrid politics.

i cant blive im using such insanity to scold these ppl.
but i cant contain my anger. my hurt. my pride.
any longer.
my mum.
nah. dat bitch.
u deserve it.

im venomous.
im horrid.
yes i am.
no one will ever understand these feels.
and im stupid.
shld have jus agreed to my grandma abt moving out with her a year bak.
having to put thru all these shame.
fuck.

i despise u, bitch.

i swear i'll leave tis place!
when i got myself a job after graduation.
i promise myself.
i will leave.

insecure.
fear.

my life's a mess.
i really wanna get out.
hang on there, jan