sWeEt`sEcrEts

a new move

2007-10-03T03:08:00.000+08:00

this is an entry to say...

im ending my misery blog here.

say BYE BYE!

to the super bad memories!

may good things ALWAYS come my way!

:) im moving on down a memory lane with happier smiles.
http://jan-loves.blogspot.com
a place i loves.

2007-08-26T01:33:00.001+08:00

2007-08-17T23:32:00.000+08:00

probably the greatest fault lies in me.
probably im jus yet to be ready for another relationship afterall.
maybe ya right.
i jus cant seem to give in to u.

perhaps i shldnt tink so much.
shouldnt bother much.

perhaps i can make a wish.

a wish to survive my love.
a wish to give in to my love.
a wish to forgive my love.
a wish to hug my love.
and a wish for.
my love to not leave me ever.

2007-08-17T23:08:00.000+08:00

perhaps u'll never understand.
probably there's jus too much misunderstandings.
and jus not much compromise between us.

its not absolutely my fault.
blame it on me for all u wan.
get it over and done with.
u never seem to realise or understand me afterall.
ive never tolerate so much sadness and anger bottled in me.
it's almost bursting.
the feelings came to me like huge waves after waves.
engulfing me into my own world.
be glad i din utter much.
be glad i din react much.
cos if i ever did.
it's gonna be more than being over.

im hating tis feeling.
feeling of having sumone
who affects my mood.
who turn can my world topsy turvy with a wink of an eye.
who can made me cry bucketfuls of tears.
who can make me weep soundly to slp at nite.
who can made me upset for so damn long.
and yet.
complain that he din mean much to me.
said i jus dun wanna give in.

its not jus dat.
it aint dat easy.
dat simple for me to do.
afterall i did give in.
by de lil actions u nv seem to take note of.
probably im jus not as outspoken as i was anymore.
no longer wish to speak words dat come right into mind.
cos i noe my words hurt.
i dun wan anger words to sour tis lovely relationship i had with u.
but u nv noe.
simply felt i was giving attitude.

each time i look at u with pleading eyes.
i wish u could jus stop blaming me.
cos it takes two hands to clap.
if im at fault
den u r too.

stop these torments.
stop these quarrels.
stop those accusations.
stop making me feel as if im the main cause of everytink.
well, im not!

its jus making me more n more diappointed after each quarrel.
it making me harder n harder to regain my normal cheery composure.
cos the hurt's there.
the sadness still lingers.
the tears are still welling up.

you jus wan me to be the cheerful outgoing fun-loving girl u love.
but each time im upset or down.
u dislike me.
got angry n fed up with me for being like tis.

cldnt i simply get sum comfort?
when all i nid is a simple hug n a peck.
n all tink's will be fine again.

instead i hear sarcasm n words dat sting my heart.
much as i noe dat those were words of anger,
i cldnt do without feeling hurt.
much as i try to ignore,
those feelings of hurt and sadness lingers.

i jus nid...
a lil more understanding.
a lil more thoughtfulness.
a lil more love.

2007-08-02T09:36:00.000+08:00

my heart fell.
the devastating moments.
the heart-wrenching words.
u'll nv noe how i felt.
nv understand wad i went thru.

i hope we got on stronger.

2007-07-27T18:43:00.000+08:00

u walked off.
leaving me alone with a crushed heart.

wads de issue here.
wadeva.
its me den.
always me.

im absolutely tired out.

damn those bad moods and mood swings.
darn me.

2007-07-26T11:55:00.000+08:00

its as if my female hormones are on a ravage.
ramping around in my body.
causing a huge emotional change in me.
making me have such extreme mood swings.
such emotions i nv knew i had.
such weird feelings that made me cry all of a sudden
without knowing why i felt so damn upset n horrid inside.

sumhow sumtink is haunting me.
sumhow i jus cant myself up
n pull myself thru these redundant feelings.

leave them.
i said..
tink of happy memories.
i scream..

but nth came to my empty mind.
its jus mist n darkness.
wads wrong with my life.
i dun wanna it this way.
i control it.

cool it off jan.
tis is stress.
relax.
it'll be over soon.
breathe in.
love..
friendship...
huggs....
warmth.....

begone emptiness.
begone mood swings.
begone.
begone!

2007-07-15T20:18:00.000+08:00

i wan to have a family too.
sum place i noe where there wil always be ppl
who will stand by me always.
who will love me always.
who will understand me always.
who shower me with love and care.
where i can always enjoy the togetherness at the end of a tiring day.
why cant i have a normal family.

2007-07-15T19:53:00.000+08:00

5 tinks important in my life.

LOVE
TRUST
FAITH
FRIENDS
BABY

FAMILY - you'll never be on my list.

i simply felt so disregarded in tis terror terrain.
in tis horrible place called.
HOME!
wtf.
i nv feel any love out of it.
no warmth.
no care.
no concern.
jus plain insults.
crap.
n demands.
who says family are people u can never live without.
no way.
to me. it's ppl i shld live without.
even adopted kids have better family.

i lost my family ages bak.
lost my place in tis once lovely place.
lost my hold.
lost my dignity.
lost wadeva dat was supposed to be mine.
i felt so insulted.
so out of my place.
why shld i care abt anyone of u in the first place.
when all i was needed was only when u needed my strengths so badly
as sis cldnt make up for it.
that is. my maths skills.
fuck.
im not a machine.
i have feelings.
why push me out of the way treating me as if im a step-daughter.

shldnt the eldest deserve some respect.
not as if i did some shameful tinks outside
dat cause so much disgrace to this darn family
for u to treat me like dirt.
fuck.

sumore i felt hurt.
felt so damn fucking hurt.
why shld i be in the first place.
didn't i said i hate tis family.
didn't i say i will no longer care abt tis family.

fuck.
den why do every lil tink u do to me
makes me feel so uncared for.
so unwanted in tis home.
so all-for-nothing.
so hurt.
its so unfair.
why am i de only one having suffering frm such biasness

i swear.
i'll no longer bake any cakes for tis horrid ppl.
no more lil gifts or food for them at all.
no more care n concern.
no more wishing them on their bday.
esp dat bitch.

but not my grandma.
cos i love her to bits.

probably not my dad either.
cos he cares too less to be involved in tis horrid politics.

i cant blive im using such insanity to scold these ppl.
but i cant contain my anger. my hurt. my pride.
any longer.
my mum.
nah. dat bitch.
u deserve it.

im venomous.
im horrid.
yes i am.
no one will ever understand these feels.
and im stupid.
shld have jus agreed to my grandma abt moving out with her a year bak.
having to put thru all these shame.
fuck.

i despise u, bitch.

i swear i'll leave tis place!
when i got myself a job after graduation.
i promise myself.
i will leave.

insecure.
fear.

my life's a mess.
i really wanna get out.
hang on there, jan

2007-07-15T16:10:00.000+08:00

all i felt was.

utter disappointment.

there's just not enough understanding.
i dun wanna live my days in tears again.
i wan a happy relationship.
not one
dat makes me laugh and smile on even days.
and cry n sob on odd days.

2007-07-13T00:57:00.000+08:00

im feeling so afraid.
the feeling of constant fear.
the dreadful intuition.

it seems like it aint gonna last afterall.
as each quarrel we had
every unhappiness suffered
all tears i shed
seemingly drawing us towards the end.

its not wad i wan
its certainly not wad u wan as well.
but it seems like the end is no where far.

surely one day.
tinks shall get out of hand.
patience has its limits.
tolerance too.
jus dun hit on me too soon.

i still do wanna salvage it.
im reali trying.
held bak my temper.
swallowed my pride.
tot abt ur plight.
understand how u felt.
bit on my tongue to stop unwanted rants.
still, efforts were to no avail.

ive being scarred.
dat left me so jaded ever since.
u'll nv understand my plight ever.
each time u ask me y im so unhappy.
its hard to describe my feel u noe.
no words cld be used.
i simply felt helpless.
n plainly fearful for both of us.
my mind jus wandered off to de bad thots.

no no.
i pulled myself away.
practically dragged myself away.
de tears welled up.
many a times i almost wanted to give up.
for i dun wanna scar myself again.
still i perserve.
cos i blive.
trust.
n love.
my dearest.

can there ever be deeper understanding between us two?
the answer lies between us.

2007-07-11T19:20:00.000+08:00

dear diary,
i wish all my friends will be fine.
i wish u'll be alrite.
i wish u'll smile all day.
i wish tinks will go on fine for u.
*huggs. to my dearest lil friends.

i wish tinks will be fine for us.
i reali wish.

2007-07-06T00:29:00.000+08:00

dun i in the least deserve sum certain respect?
i have my own rights.
own privacy.
own space.
stop intruding my privacy.
dun disturb my life.

mind your own business.
i dun nid u poking into my stuff.

i hate the way im seen in this fucking family.
how minute i felt.
how unimportant i am to this horrid terrain.
how small a role i play in this terror town.
how insignificant i mean to one and everyone.

how i felt such a fool
each single time i thot of them.
each single time i do sumtink nice to them.
i reali ought to think twice.

im never wanted in here.
the feeling's so strong.

fuck off.
i nv wanted such a family either.

i bet im happier being an orphan.

i needed to leave here.
i'll jus leave with anyone who can bring me away.
away frm this horrid place called..
home.

wads the crap abt home sweet home.
i nv had one.

2007-07-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

可知我对爱的虔诚
可知我迷信我们
可知我难得放任

我想化成隐形的人
隐藏我的泪在翻滚
看不见也能感受心疼

2007-07-01T23:22:00.000+08:00

still i blive..

a silent hug means a thousand words to an unhappy heart

2007-07-01T18:08:00.000+08:00

i felt a pang in my heart.
i thought u understand
but u broke my heart..

2007-06-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

-I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain -

it's no wonder there's a saying
"no pain no gain"
thank goodness i found my piece of heaven, baby.
*pat on my back*
jan u did a great job by raising ur white flag after the fifth time.
by not turning bak to those damn bad days.
by not going back to those life that's sweet for a second yet bitter for a day.
once bitten twice shy.
moreover being bitten 5 times!
i reali do learn tinks hard hur.
not worth all these since he's such a jerk.
damn.

2007-06-13T00:25:00.000+08:00

am i simply too sensitive or jus making tinks difficult.
or am i jus hoping for sumtink different.
i dun like tis feeling
i hate tis feeling.
i nv wanted to start off any quarrels
nor spark off any unhappiness.
but the feelings jus come n go.

wads wrong.
am i undergoing sum major emotional changes.
wtf.
i felt so much like pouring out my woes.
much to my dismay.
i cldnt find any words to describe.
jus left me stunned for words.
each time i feel like crying.
i feel like giving myself a tight slap
tinking abt wad have i done again.

u asked me.
but i reali dunoe wad else to say.
i jus wish u'll stop harping on it
hold me close to u
peck me on my lips
n utter 'i love u'
words dat echo ur heartfelt thoughts.
not jus cos i said dat.

my heart aches.
sumhow it hurts too.
i can feel the impact of u in my life baby.
i dun wanna lose u thru all these upsets.

huggs - hold on to me tight wun u.
compromise my dear.

2007-06-11T01:17:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2007-06-06T01:10:00.000+08:00

我要我自己坚强
我知道我能做到
我就要活得比从前更好
123深呼吸
就感觉这力量
叫做翅膀
准备飞翔

我的想法很简单
没有他们的复杂
我背负一个伟大的梦想
123深呼吸
我呼吸爱的力量
学着让自己勇敢

我知道你知道
还要全世界看到
我的真心和希望

2007-05-19T10:17:00.000+08:00

心中寓言
-我的心里话-

当他不再爱你的时候，不要再给他打电话。你的一句“我想你”，只不过换来他的沉默。比沉默更让你难过的是，他会说：“那有什么办法呢？”

当他不再爱你的时候，不要再给他发Email，不要再试图用文字唤起他的回忆，打动他的心。如果你的人不能打动他，那么即使你用文字感动他一回，换来片刻温存，温存过后的大片空白只能让你更加难过。

当他不再爱你的时候，不要再关注他的生活，不要再关心他的一举一动。不要在夜晚凝望那个亮灯的窗口，幻想他也在窗帘背后注视着你。他的生活就是他的生活，你的生活也只属于你。如果不需要分享，那么就独自承担悲欢。

当他不再爱你的时候，不要勉强自己出现在有他的场合，不需要在热闹的人群里被迫伪装你的不在乎，被迫谈笑风生。即使选择回避，也绝不是软弱，如果可以，选择平静的寂寞，让自己的伤口慢慢愈合。

当他不再爱你的时候，不要再给他第二次伤害你的机会。[但我竟然给了你五次伤害我的机会,还真傻呢] 不要相信他说回头找你是因为想看看一段时间没见，你的改变有多少？既然他放弃你的时候那么决然，那么下一次他还会不顾而去，头也不回。如果还记得那一天你哭着慢慢滑到地板上，不能自己，就一定不要屈从于自己的软弱，相信那转瞬即逝的温情，欺骗自己的心，又次给他机会撕裂你的心.

当他不再爱你的时候，不要幻想你可以在他心里留下一滴泪。即使有一瞬间他被你的眼泪打动，只要他不再爱你，他被你打动的时间绝不会比你流泪的时间长。

当他不再爱你的时候，别去怨恨，虽然开始的时候难免会怨恨。也别去问他，也别问自己，为什么他会这么绝情，为什么他可以这么快就忘掉。你甚至怀疑他根本就没有喜欢过你，而一切仿佛只是一场骗局 -----
还是相信自己最初的感觉吧，如果那时你觉得他喜欢过你，那他也许就是喜欢过你。只是他现在不爱了，不爱了就是不爱了，即使解释，解释那么重要吗？分手时候的一切解释，都只是再好不过的借口！ [所以你就不必一直在这里解释了, 因为我都不想听]

当他不再爱你的时候，工作或是学习是转移疼痛最好的办法。不幸的是，你当时可能没有太多的事情要做、学习要忙。但是无论如何，不要纵容自己喝酒、抽烟，这些都不是一个好女孩应有的好习惯。即使你再痛，也不要给自己借口放纵，因为不会那么巧，有一个爱你而正派的男孩陪在你身边，反倒会有色狼借你的放纵来伤害你。

当他不再爱你的时候，别去看那些伤感的小资电影，听那些断肠的歌曲，别幻想自己就是悲剧的女主角。如果你一定要哭，那么就痛痛快快的哭一场，可是只哭一场，不要让眼泪淹没了你曾经灿烂的笑容，你还是原来那个可爱的你。 [=D 我知道]

当他不再爱你的时候，相信我，所有的一切，都有风淡云清的一天。总有一天，你看到他，就像看到一张桌子那么简单。相信我，因为从失恋中走出来的，有你，也有我。

2007-05-01T10:02:00.000+08:00

我曾认真试爱着一个人
他给我幸福的可能
我等我问未來何时发生
他只是给我一个吻

快乐我哭
是因为你的手
曾答应带我向前走

难过我哭
是因为我的手
找不到你说的以后

好眼泪坏眼泪
我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只不过
在你不再爱我了以后
剩坏的眼泪慢慢流

快乐我哭
是因为我付出
得到你温柔的答覆

难过我哭
是因为我任性
你的心永远留不住

好眼泪坏眼泪
我都曾为你流
感动和悲伤都是理由
只希望
在我不再想你了之后
有好的眼泪慢慢流

有好的笑容陪著我

2007-04-27T00:57:00.000+08:00

失恋后，我们总爱问：
“我怎样可以忘记他？我很想忘记他，但我就是没法忘记他。”　

如果没法忘记他，就不要忘记好了。
为什么要那么痛苦地去忘记一个人？
时间自然会让你忘记他。

现在，我请你干万别想着一头粉红色的大笨象。
请问，你想到的是什么？
你立刻就想到一头粉红色的大笨象了。
你愈努力想去忘记，你愈是无法忘记。
仍然爱着他，忘不了他，
是理所当然的事，不必觉得惭愧。

有些人明明忘不了，
却自欺欺人说：
“我已经忘了他。”
然而，只要别人一提起他，
她就无法控制自己。

有一天，你会忘记他的。
真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。

有一天，
你从浴室洗了一个澡出来，
扭开唱机听听自己喜欢的音乐，
你忽尔想起，
你曾经爱过一个人，
啊，原来你爱过这个人，
那仿佛是很遥远的事，
你已经一点感觉也没有了。
这就是忘记。

有一天，别人提起某某，
你才猛然想起，
你曾经爱过这个人，
现在已经不记得了。
这就是忘记。

如果时间不可以令你忘记那些不该记住的人，
我们失去的岁月又有什么意义？

若有人问我是否忘掉他了吗,
我会诚实地回答:
我还没有忘掉他
他任然在我心里最深暗的角落阴埋着

2007-04-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there

There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
Oh oh oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
Oh oh oh

2007-04-17T04:16:00.001+08:00

心碎离开
转身回到最初荒凉里等待

为了寂寞
是否找个人填心中空白

我们变成了世上最熟悉的陌生人

今后各自曲折
各自悲哀

2007-04-17T04:07:00.000+08:00

is dat all im reali expecting of u.
dat ignorance pisses me.
disappoints me further.
hurts me more.

why.
afterall it has been long after.
yet.
u still appear in my mind all of a sudden several times a day.
spoiling my mood.
making tinks dat i enjoy most seems least enjoyable.

wad has my will gone to.
why cant i fight those images.
i..
miss u dearly.
why cld i still love you.
it's reali over jan.
its over.

我好想好好地爱一个人
但是我还能再次相信爱情吗?
爱情值得我再次受到伤害吗?
难道爱情根本不存在,
而是从寂寞与空虚中的需要
来填心中空白.

2007-04-09T05:17:00.000+08:00

sumhw.
the dream gave me so much fear.
so much sadness.
so much hurt.
dat i woke up to reality..
in tears.

the scene of u hugging dat ger.
giving her a peck on her lips.
cuddling her as if u were cuddling me in de past.

im feeling those terrible heartaches again.
i hate it.
stop haunting my nites.
i dun wan u in my life.
leave me.
leave me alone.
dun hurt me anymore.

2007-04-08T07:28:00.000+08:00

is it reali gonna be all over?
为爱流下来的眼泪
曾经是甜的
但现在只剩下苦
和心疼的感觉

2007-04-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

im all abt u
im all abt us
baby, u'll never have to question my love.

sumhow my heart still hurts.
the heartaches persists n lingers.
i wonder y.
is it the love i still had for u or am i jus feeling too hurt to be true?

DARDAR, love me?

hur. silly ger.

i never miss sumone tis much b4
nv love sumone dat much b4
n hv nv been tis hurt b4.
de heartaches r indescribable.

i understood y ppl wld turn to drinking to ease their sorrows
cos it makes one lose themselves.
forget themselves.
forget everytink dat ever matters.
even if it's only for a short while.
cos dats all i ever nid for a getaway.

a break from ur haunts.
bogging me all day all nite.
stuck in my mind n thots every moment.
filling my everyday, every hour, minute and seconds of my life.
draining every bit dats left of my energy, morale n faith..

im hating de present me.
de one u moulded.
i cant stand those moments of tears, sobs n bawling.
i wanna be strong.
but no one ever realise how difficult its gonna be.
still. i tried.
it's like piecing the most beautiful puzzle
but only to realise in de end dat it's missing a piece.
de unspoken pain, sorrow n hurt.
it's almost beyond imagination.
i love u.
u noe it.
u felt it.
but u nv noe how deep it is.
nv noe how much u mean to me.
u'll nv seem to feel the sincerity, effort and understanding put in.
all these made me realise.
how much u did not treasure me afterall.
how little u love me afterall.
how little i actually meant to u.

2007-04-02T01:01:00.000+08:00

SORRY is for when u stepped on sumone's toes or spilled hot milo on someone else's shirt.
but SORRY is NOT for when u crushed sumone's world n hurt her again... n again n again n again - 5 times in a row.

2007-03-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

damn bad mood.
sumhow.
i felt..
alone.
felt left out.

sumhow.
i wanna feel ur love.
wanna feel u.
wanna feel ur warmth.
feel ur hands wrapped round me.
caressing me.
brushing past me.
i wanna snuggle up ur hugs.
cuddle beside u as i fell aslp each nite.
de sweetness.
de warmth.
de love.

are gone.

i perserve.
i tried.
i never give up.

but u did none.
u nv perserve.
u din try.
and u gave up.
gave me up.

2007-03-27T22:53:00.000+08:00

破碎的心里埋着重重的回忆.

记忆会为我收藏那些美丽时光, 和为爱付出过的力量

2007-03-25T00:51:00.000+08:00

心碎离开
转身回到
最初荒凉里等待

为了寂寞
是否找个人
填心中空白

我们变成了
世上最熟悉的陌生人
今后各自曲折
各自悲哀

只怪我们爱得那么汹涌
爱得那么深
于是梦醒了搁浅了沉默了挥手了
却回不了神

如果当初在交会时
能忍住了
激动的灵魂
也许今夜
我不会让自己在思念里
沉沦

2007-03-25T00:17:00.000+08:00

feeling damn down.
i hate tis feeling of missing u so much.
when all i had frm u was...
only hurt.

2007-03-21T03:34:00.000+08:00

each nite before i cld finally fell aslp
each morning when im conscious
the last thot
the first thot
was always u
has always been u
is always u.

the heavy-heartedness is hard to bear.
it jus makes tears fall down my cheeks.
dats jus how i fell aslp n end my day every nite.
dats jus how i wake up to a new day every morning.

how dumb was i to trust u.
how stupid was i to believe ur every words.
when i was even cheated 4 times before by u.

i cant believe it.
was my love for u too great.
or was it ur glib tongue.
or was it bcos i was simply too naive.

im pretty sure its a slap i'll give it to u the next time i chance upon u.
so.
jus back off.
coward.

forever going under covers.
always avoiding n ignoring me.
reali doubt if ya a real guy.
irritating.
u ought not to deserve me.
u dun deserve any love frm anyone at all.
selfish.

2007-03-19T14:10:00.000+08:00

你问在我心中是否还苦恼
那次受伤否决了爱的好

谢谢你的关照我一切都好
一个人不算困扰

那次流过的泪让我学习到
如何祝福如何转身不要
在眼泪体会到与自己拥抱

爱不是一种需要
是一种对照
爱虽然很美妙
却不能为了寂寞
又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待
仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手
等候一次
真心的拥抱

我相信在这个世界上
一定会遇到
对的人出现

能愿意为了一份爱付出去多少
然后得到多少并不计较
当我想清楚的时候
我就算已经准备好
放手去爱

2007-03-19T00:35:00.000+08:00

i wish im de heartless one.

i dun wish to bear these hurts n heartaches.
why does it seems dat im the one treasuring tis relationship
n never is u?
have u ever been serious on me?

im jus.
damn disappointed in u.
u made me trust in u again n again.
betrayed my trust again n again.
jerk.

dats a powerful word coming frm me.
sumtink i'll nv use on u.
but to get dumped by the same guy 5 times in a row.
having to chase him
woo him
take the initiative on getting bak together with him
all the 5 times.
it's a reali hard job.
i lost all pride in front of u.
am i or are u de shameless one?

wad have i done to deserve such treatment?
to deserve such a guy like u?
ya the immature one in the relationship.

the hurt stays.
my heart throb with pain.
i jus cant disperse the air dats filled with ur images.

im hating tis.
im hating me.
wad has my pride gone to?
cant i perk up?
wake up jan.
darn.

2007-03-18T16:36:00.000+08:00

all i ever want
is to have u beside me.
有你在我身边,
再苦我都能承受

2007-03-18T16:28:00.000+08:00

i hate u.

I HATE U.

i wish i did.

but all i felt was heartaches n hurt.
everytink seems to go past in a flash.
is tis de end?
de end to everytink dat connects us together?

u walked off without me
retraced ur steps bak beside me.
n yet
left again.

why made me feel toyed?

dun turn bak anymore.
dun.
i'll nv forgive u.

2007-03-18T10:22:00.000+08:00

"i dunoe if i love you or jus afraid to hurt you"

the words kept echoing in my mind
ringing in my ears.
those words have the power to sting my heart n made it hurt like hell

ya great.
jus words like
'we're not like before any longer'
'we seem strangers'
'you've changed'
'i dun seem to noe u'

u wanna brush me off.
after u made me decide to trust u again
made me put down myself n accept u again
made my world crush again

u hurt me again n again
suddenly u told me u dunoe if u love me
dun toy with me wun u.
u made all these changes in me haven u noe?
haven u realise?
its u dat cause me these ur so-called vivid changes in me

why are guys always like dat.

im greatly disappointed.
deeply hurt.

u did it again

2007-03-18T00:16:00.000+08:00

u'll never realise ur powress

u can made me tear with a single msg
made me fail 4 subjects when u gt a new ger
made me sob n wail with ur lilttle actions.

u break my heart so easily.
yet expect me to pick myself up.
im not as strong as dat my dear.

i wonder which ger cld endure these.
im being to the extreme
ive been as strong as i cld be

dun disappoint me anymore
dun break my heart any longer
dun make me regret my decision to be with u.
to allow the already broken me accept the u whom ive gone thru so much with.
u whom broke my heart umpteen times.
u whom made me so afraid of everytink.
u whom have taken down the air of confidence around me.
u whom shattered almost my everytink.

dun dear.
dun do dat to me anymore
u made me entrust myself to u
make gud ur promises wun u?
made me feel protected wun u?
make me feel im cared for.
feel im loved by u.
made me feel a sense of security even when u're nt by me.

withstand the next few days
probably even next few months
of being with me.
cos ive reali lost quite alot of myself.
im reali afraid
afraid i'll get hurt again
afraid u dun care for me any longer.
afraid u'll ignore me again.
afraid i'l lose u.
afraid u'll leave me again.
i nid time
time to gather myself up
time to accept ur trust again
u must gain bak my trust dear
dun give me up wun u.
u promised.
u did.
a deadly vow u made.
dun lie to me anymore.
else i'll nv forgive u.

2007-03-13T04:11:00.001+08:00

is tis for real..

2007-03-13T01:39:00.000+08:00

the feelings felt fresh.
the hurt was vivid once again.
i felt the pain
fresh in my mind.

why do i miss u a little more each day
when im drifting more n more from u each day

why do i still hang on to every last hope on u.

why must u be the one who walked into my life.

2007-03-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

i need u.

虽然说孤独的想一个人
好像一种惩罚
msn上太多的路人甲
偶尔你也该上来说说话

想着你的温柔
想着你的模样
我放不下

都说过了再见
我们各自飞翔
各自长大

抱紧爱会挣扎
放开爱会心慌

离开你那麽傻
可以后侮吗

2007-03-02T01:12:00.000+08:00

我要控制我自己

不会让谁看见我哭泣

装作漠不关心你

不愿想起你

怪自己没有勇气

心痛得无法呼吸

找不到你留下的痕迹

眼睁睁的看着你

却无能为力

任你消失在世界的尽头

找不到坚强的理由

再也感觉不到你的温柔

告诉我星空在那头

那里是否有尽头

就向流星许个心愿

让你知道我爱你

http://www.pconline.com.cn/pcedu/carton/mtv/10212/other/021202xingyu.swf

2007-02-28T20:49:00.000+08:00

该忘了你对不对
怕自己无法面对
无怨无悔
把一切留给纪念
受过沉默的创伤
它会慢慢被岁月
一片片填满
渐渐就习惯不再想
忘记曾经最痛的地方

该忘了你对不对
我应该坚强面对
学会遗忘
不能像爱的挣扎
记忆会为我收藏
那些美丽时光
为爱付出过的力量
带着爱去寻找
幸福的希望

2007-02-26T22:25:00.000+08:00

Your Existing Situation
Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship, or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.

Your Stress Sources
The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground. She feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to her and from which she wants to escape, but she feels unable to make the necessary decision.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.
Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.

Your Desired Objective
Her need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes her restless and she is driven by her desires and hopes. May try to spread her activities over too wide a field.

Your Actual Problem
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She reacts by seeking outside confirmation of her ability and value in order to bolster her self-esteem. Inclined to blame others so that she may shift the blame from herself. Anxiously searching for solutions and prone to compulsive inhibitions and compulsive desires.

2007-02-25T23:06:00.000+08:00

这黑色的大衣
充满着你的痕迹
我依然记得
你穿着它将我抱紧

它依然挂在我衣橱里
或许你已经忘记
你的温度我还记在心里

你抽过的烟蒂
还留在烟灰缸里
你仿佛在哪里
我的眼泪也开始滴

如果放弃须要勇气
是不是我不够毅力
还是怀疑就已失去

怪只怪我看错了你
怪只怪我不敢放弃
怪只怪一个人在黑夜里
须要你的拥抱才可以

怪只怪我相信了你
怪只怪我没有犹豫
看不到这是你设下的陷阱

当我的美梦清醒现实那么冷清
我没有别的途径总要自己看清
有点苦它才叫做爱情
现在我还不能放弃可能我不够勇气
如果遗忘比面对容易我怎么不能忘记
破碎的心里埋着重重的回忆
我要带着微笑去面对

2007-02-25T03:50:00.000+08:00

感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋

无奈的笑试图让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好

感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸

我不知道
也许我会得到
一句
还是朋友

这是借口还是尽头

2007-02-25T03:42:00.000+08:00

i felt down.
truly crushed.
its as if my heart has done some weight lifting.
its as if more burden has been added on to de alreadi high pile.
its as if the sadness n hurt dat my heart has beared with wasnt enuf.

i thought i had succeed.
i thought i had taken a step away frm u.
never did i realise i was wrong indeed.
u had taken a step into my heart instead.

2007-02-25T03:40:00.000+08:00

it's as if i had a war with "2" me(s).

2007-02-25T02:54:00.000+08:00

走进我的心里
带我离开这伤心地
离开这布满思念他的空气
离开这充满他的回忆
疼我
爱我
守护我
珍惜我

我真的能做到吗?

我还敢试着去爱吗?

2007-02-25T02:02:00.000+08:00

i guess ive lost myself.

2007-02-23T23:37:00.000+08:00

你曾经告诉我

会永远地保护着我

但你却忘了这承诺

我早已认定了是你

守护神就是你

请你不要离我而去

陪着我走下去

看着窗外的那场雨

我告诉我自己

我要坚持等待下去

2007-02-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

u'll never noe..

就算轻轻的呼吸

心还是感觉痛

没有你的日子里

我变得好脆弱

轻轻一碰

仿佛就要飞走

口袋里的双手

曾被你温柔紧握

布满思念的空气

该怎么去摆脱

天灰的好寂寞

快乐悲伤被你左右

说一千遍我爱你都不够

就这样不贪心

我慢慢的走

只要有你陪着我

再苦我能承受

说一千遍我爱你也都还不够

有一天我总会看见幸福的彩虹

相信你给的承诺

我等候

2007-02-22T00:57:00.000+08:00

i reali miss u alot.
miss u alot.

i wish u'll nv have let me go.

i nv know dat my nod to ur job will lead to today.

2007-02-20T23:17:00.000+08:00

i dunoe y
i dun understand y
u can fill my entire mind.
causing my mood swings n teary days
every now n den.

each nite i walked bak home.
i always imagine
almost thought i see u
picturing images of u loitering at my hse void deck.
trying to take a peek at me.
looking ard for me.
coming bak to me.

i no longer had the strength to do dat.
no longer possess the will to get bak
its u.
u who made me fear rejection.
u who made me fear dark nites.
u who made me fear loneliness.
u who made me fear silence.
u who made me fear everything.
n u who made me fear love.

walk forward.
dun look bak.
dun tink bak my dear.
go on bravely.
u'll always have us.

2007-02-18T02:07:00.000+08:00

就算是轻轻的呼吸

心还是感觉痛

没有你的日子里

我变得好脆弱

轻轻一碰仿佛就要飞走

口袋里的双手

曾被你温柔紧握

布满思念的空气

该怎么去摆脱

天灰的好寂寞

快乐悲伤被你左右

说一千遍我爱你都不够

就这样不贪心我慢慢的走

只要有你陪着我

再苦我能承受

说一千遍我爱你也都还不够

有一天我总会看见幸福的彩虹

相信你给的承诺

我等候

2007-02-17T02:14:00.000+08:00

i'll love u no more.
i'll reali reali not love u anymore.
i promise myself.

2007-02-15T12:39:00.000+08:00

i tot u cld be replaced.

2007-02-15T08:59:00.000+08:00

i realised the meaning behind
holding someone's hands n tinking of another.
i realised the feeling of getting hugged by sumone whom u nv like at all.
i tot i cld try.
i tot i cld forget.
but i reali cldnt.

i nv realise my heart's still with u.
nv realise ur kisses on my lips still lingers around.
nv realise the warmth of ur hugs forms an aura around me.
nv realise ive reali fallen so deeply in love with u.
nv realise i was reali dat hurt.
nv realise dat no other person cld replace the u in my heart.
nv realise it cld be dat hard to forget u.
nv realise every lil tink i do reminds me of u.
nv realise how impt a role u were playing in my life.
nv realise how i cld jus stare n dream all abt u.
nv realise why i cld care abt ur stuff.
nv realise why i do love u still.

i hated myself.
y am i doing tis to me.
i reali tot i cld forget
reali tot i cld give it a try
tot dat sumhow i cld.
but still.
i cldnt.

ur silhouette hovers around all day.
images haunts me almost every moment.
i feel like breaking away.

emptiness.
sumtink dats much too profound to be explained.
blank expression.
sumtink dat cldnt be explained.

2007-02-08T18:48:00.000+08:00

你曾给的体温
幸福的气氛
我曾在你身边
睡得好安稳

是你太残忍
还是我太笨
这样的容忍
有点太牺牲

不习惯你的眼神
在风中不安的变冷
离开的时候是过程
我为爱狂奔

每次当爱从心痛启程
我明白等待背后是伤痕
为了一个人
每夜不熄灯
爱一个人
爱得透彻

忘不了爱走过的旅程
我依然相信幸福的可能
只有一个人
我愿意去等
在离开了以后
还会心疼

是我爱太深
还是太单纯
这样的转身
有点太牺牲

2007-02-08T18:06:00.000+08:00

i wish i'll jus stop tearing n crying.

get over it jan.

fuck.
im hating the emo me.

2007-02-08T16:18:00.000+08:00

it hurts.
all of a sudden.
i was hit by a pang of..
jealousy?

its oki.
its alrite.
the tink is.
we no longer belong to each other.
no longer form any memories in each other's world.

the hurt will fade.
the hurt will go.

the love will fade.
the love will go.

u made me realise.
love's never forever.

2007-02-08T10:55:00.000+08:00

是你让我
再次接近爱的感觉
填补那伤痕的过去
谢谢你
让我曾经拥有这份辛福

因为现在的我
再次渐渐远离爱的感觉

2007-02-08T10:49:00.000+08:00

我很喜欢牵着你的手的感觉

发生什么样子我好希望再来一次

2007-02-07T21:45:00.000+08:00

its u again.
u and u
and u.
and u.

stop bugging me.

2007-02-07T21:41:00.000+08:00

当你决定
你要离开我
我没有说什么
就当作你自由

有好几次
我都想挽留
哭求也没有用
就当作是寂寞

2007-02-07T18:30:00.000+08:00

the feelings overwhelmed me.
i felt so controlled.
controlled by my feelings.
once again.

stop visiting me
miss teary.

2007-02-05T23:42:00.000+08:00

爱我
非你莫属
我只愿守护
由你给我的幸福

爱我
非你莫属
也许会
笑着哭
但那人是你
所以不怕苦

2007-02-05T23:28:00.000+08:00

懂得让我流泪的人
给的感动一定是最深
在我心中留下伤痕
你同时点亮了星辰
看那麽多相遇
偏偏只和你
天造地设般产生奇迹
我心的缝隙
我想除了你
任谁也无法填补这空虚

2007-02-05T22:48:00.000+08:00

reading tis.
i realised
im doubting ur love for me
probably dats yet another added reason for me to let it go
let go the past
the memories
the love
the misses
the hugs

the heartaches still exist
as vivid as thou it has jus happened
as real as history has jus repeated once again

n i realised.
its real time for me to let go.
cos u gave me up 4 times.
i'll nv be able to forgive myself if i allow u to hurt me a 5th time.

ya not the one feeling tired.
not the only one feeling u nid to be alone.
wadeva ya feeling.
im sure i suffered more.

im tired too
nid to be alone too
sick of it too
n surely
nid to leave u too

i cant be drowning myself in tears bcos of u everyday
cant be suffering frm mood swings frm the mere tot of u daily
blive it'll be over soon
it's be over soon.

hang on there jan
stay stronger jan
i'll be there for u.

huggs.

------------------------------------------------------------
Boy: i saw her today
Girl: i saw him today

Boy: it seems like its been forever
Girl: i wonder if he still cares

Boy: she looks better than before
Girl: i couldn't stop staring at him

Boy: i asked how things were going
Girl: i asked about his new girlfriend

Boy: i'd pick her over any girl i'm with
Girl: he's probably really happy now

Boy: i can't even look at her without crying
Girl: he couldn't even look at me

Boy: i told her i miss her
Girl: he didn' mean it

Boy: I meant it
Girl: he doesn't mean it

Boy: i love her
Girl: he loves his new girlfriend

Boy: i held her for the last time
Girl: he gave me a friendly hug

Boy: then i went home and cried
Girl: then i went home and cried

Boy: i lost her
Girl: i love him

i wonder wad u were tinking when u posted tis as a testimonial frm her.
i wonder wad were u fantasing abt.
i wonder wad ur trying to do.
on the other hand.
i wonder wads going thru ur mind dat u accepted tis

wad u were tinking abt of her when u click 'approve'
were u still tinking of her?
missing her?
loving her?
if yes.
jus let me noe.
cos im selfish.
i dun wan to noe dat my place has been shared.
i dun care even if i had a bigger part.
or wadeva.as long as its shared.
i'll leave.
u're making me feel so insecure.
n each time i mention it.
u nv give me a satisfied reply.
u'll jus kick up a fuss
n ignore me giving me a face.
im alreadi so upset.
so insecure.
all i nid is ur comfort.
but i got nth.
always i had to comfort myself
console myself.
when all i nid to peace my heart
is a hug.
ur hug.
encouraging words.
sincere words.
let me noe u mean itwhen u say 'i love u'
dun make it sound so forced wun u.
it hurts me.
i hate it when i cry n teared silently
n i have to go hug u.
pull ur hands up to hug my fragile body
squeeze u tight to let u noe i wan to be hugged
kiss u to let u noe i wan u
to let u noe i do nid u.

where r u my dear.
where r u.
im tired of looking for u.
tired of groping around my only comfort when i nid u
too tired to even smile.
but u r not tired enuf to try out playing games aren't u?
isn't 'im tired' becoming an excuse for u?
has the tot of im also tired ever struck u?
n yet dat tiredness has nv stopped me
no matter how tired i was
i'll still wake up by 5.30am to go ur hse
wake up 2 hrs before my sch start
n get lunch frm coffee shop for u.
n den im set to leave the hse.
n im always wondering whether u ever felt my presence.
cos frm the moment i step into ur hse
till the moment i step out.
u were sleeping the whole way thru.
even in my baddest of mood i'll still tok nicely to u.
speak sweetly to u.
hoping u'll do the same.
but sumtimes all i got was a short temper flare frm u
impatient voice.
ignorance frm u.
do i reali deserve all these treatment?
n now u tink im getting ridiculous.
tink im unreasonable.
jus cos i question u abt dat damn testimonial.
u understand the meaning of those darn words.
n yet had the cheek to approve.
wad u mean by dat.
u accept wad she's saying?
u mean wad she's saying is true?
u mean..
enuf.
u din tink for me at all.
no u din.
be more understanding my dear.
now dat u broke the news to me saying u cldnt celebrate my bday.
my tears jus spring into my eyes.
i accept it din i?
i had to accept dat since u have to work
im not angry
totally not angry
dunoe y u tink i'll get angry.
im jus totally upset.
sometink u noe i have been looking forward to always.
seems to be dashed.
but there's nth we can do
i'll understand
i'll understand..
wondering if u rmb ur promise to me.
'i will get u a pair of purple seashells for ur bday. i promise u k'
u said so.
cos it symbolises everlasting love.
i'll see.
see if u reali mean wad u say.
see if u r reali sincere.
till den..
--------------------------------------------------------------

2007-02-04T13:34:00.000+08:00

my day will be better
my day is always better
my day has always been better

but my nites.
u made me hate returning home.
returning to a nest full of our memories
filled with images of u all ard me
sitting in de chair u once sat
lying on the bed we once slept together
eating out from the plate i bought for u for vday dinner
drinking frm the couple cups
staring at the soft toy u recorded ur voice in
hugging the bear - the 1st gift u bought me
gazing at those dried flowers
memories jus flood me

i cant jus leave them behind yet
its all in me
in my life

felt so useless when i attempted to sms u
a whole list of guys on my hp list
yet ive to pick none but u

im hating my mood swings
getting angrier with myself as days past
get a grip jan

i hate it esp when i broke down suddenly.
cry a big deal
n be alrite the next moment.

i cant take it.
get out.
get lost.
im reali determined tis time round
ya outta my life.

but i reali love u alot my dear
miss u terribly love
i feel damn hurt
each time u ignored me
each time u gave me up when u say u wldnt.

2007-02-01T17:39:00.000+08:00

你好吗
你的夜是不是跟我的一样漫长
是不是
还把我给你的爱好好戴在手上

要坚强
我常常对着镜子里的人大声讲
虽然说
孤独的想一个人好像一种惩罚

msn上太多的路人甲
偶尔你也该上来说说话

想着你的温柔
想着你的模样
我放不下

都说过了再见
我们各自飞翔
各自长大

抱紧爱会挣扎
放开爱会心慌
神也很忙
到底要实现哪个愿望
离开你那麽傻
可以後侮吗

风很大
怕你又穿得太少
会让自己着凉

我很棒
一个人换了灯泡
房间变得很亮
每一天
发生的事情我都好想要跟你讲

爱很怪
什麽都介意最後又什麽都原谅

心里最深的牵挂
越想遗忘越不能忘

2007-02-01T16:35:00.001+08:00

球鞋带我盲目的跑
风在飘
我也想这样干脆把你忘掉
累的时候才听到自己的心跳
还窃听到你的频道

公车载我迷惘的绕
泪在掉
下一站能不能把你丢掉
到终点时才想到你每个拥抱
我都藏好不让人知道

迷糊的睡了一觉
空白著今天的日记
把自己蒸发掉也好
没有了你
空气越来越稀薄

以为已放开
已放开给你的爱
自己一个人置身事外
剪一个新浏海甩一甩

只要你别回过头来
我可以一直这样的假装释怀
倔强的等你转身消失在人海

2007-01-31T17:30:00.000+08:00

guys, if a girl cries because of you,
please hold her hands firmly,
she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.

guys, if a girl cries because of you,
please don't give her up,
maybe because of your decision, you'd ruin her life.

when she cries right in front of you,
when she cries because of you,
look into her eyes,
can you see and feel the pain and hurt she's feeling?

think.which other girl have cried with pure sincerity,
in front of you, and because of you?
she cries not because she is weak,
she cries not beacuse she wants sympathy or pity,
she cries,
because crying silently is no longer possible,
the pain, hurt, and agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside.

guys, think about it.
if a girl cries her heart out to you,
and all because of you,
it's time to look back on what you've have done,
only you will know the answer to it.
do consider it.
because one day,
it may be too late for regrets,
it may be too late to say "i'm sorry".

2007-01-31T17:22:00.000+08:00

dun break my walls when ive painstakingly build them ard me frm u.
dun soften my heart like u wld do so in de past.
dun crush my world n den try walking in to see how i was without u.

wad for read my blog.
an activity u nv seem interested enuf to do so.
wad for noe how i am going on now without u.
sumtink i thought u wldnt care less abt.
wad for understand how i was feeling.
it's feelings u'll nv get to understand.

each time i tried to settle my feelings.
u arouse them again.
dun tarnish my world.
dun fill me up with hopes.
n prick them one by one.

2007-01-31T16:59:00.000+08:00

xiang tong le.
ye jin liang fang kai le.
dan yuan ni wo pi ci dou neng xin fu.
bu yao zai dui zhe fen ai qing bao zhe ren he qian gua le.

2007-01-30T22:16:00.000+08:00

im still missing u
cld almost feel ur warm hands
wrapped round me.

making me teared once more
realising it's jus my imagination again.

2007-01-28T02:44:00.000+08:00

happy bday cz.
happy bday my dear fren.

had a lousy ending to ur bday party.
all boils down to my fault.
sorie abt it.

im cldnt help struggling with my feelings.
jus feeling so damn down.
every little tink jus pisses me off.

walked off to get de cake.
but ur made aaron followed me.
guess i was more pissed than touched.

seems like i jus cant get a moment of peace or privacy

almost mistook him for him
almost wanted to fall into his arms n cry a big deal
almost wanted to..

luckily my mind wasnt too clouded by my dark thoughts

had a pool game after dinner.
paired up with him again.
suddenly wishing yun cld tok to me more
wishing u girls cld chat with me like usual.
wishing u guys to stop pairing us up.
my plight was nv understood.

pissed by my horrid game
wished u cld hv scolded me when i had those lousy hits.
like usual.
walked off into de toilet to cool down.
guess im taking tinks in de hard way.
strolled down to plaza
n took a walk.
wanted to take a breather very badly.

it's as if my feelings were engaging in a furious war
my mood was dat damn down
simply cldnt get those feelings settled.
why.
of all times to mood swing at such a time

u called at tis time.
went out to look for me.
with yun.
dat look on yun
i broke down almost immediately

suddenly thoughts of hatred were fired at him
u made me blive in u.
trust in u.
but now u left me here all alone
left me behind while u walk straight on
making promises u noe u nv cld keep dem
its love n hate

almost everywhere i go.
i cld imagine scenes of us
picturing very vividly

im feeling soweird
feeling so damn up with myself.
y do u ever make ur way up so high in my heart
how did u manage to get my heart so flustered each time i tot of u
when does my feelings have to be so down bcos of u
i dun wanna be manipulated by thoguht of u
by images of u.
by pictures of u
u r leaving.
leaving out of my world.
begone my dear-ed.

2007-01-27T02:01:00.000+08:00

i cant bear de distance.
cant bear not contacting u.
cant bear losing u.

still missing u so much everyday.
be it happy or upset.
images of us float past.
reminding me of de wonderful times.

is it reali over
i jus cant accept it
jus cant blive it

sumhow i hate de present me
strong as it looks
fragile as it is

almost succumb to my urge
de urge to contatc u.
give u a ring
send an sms

wishing somehow
someday
my phone will ring
n it'll be u
whose sms caught my attention
whose calls made my day

i reali wish u were here b4 me
i wanted dat one more hug
dat one more kiss
n dat touch on my face again

darling.
dun u miss me too

wipe ur tears jan.
u'll get over it.
hugs.

M2M - Love Left For Me

2007-01-25T10:16:00.000+08:00

M2M - Love Left For Me

You just said the worst thing you could ever say
Well, I don't understand why it just can't be this way
I'm crying because of you

Oh I hate, yes I hate all your lies
I'm so scared
And I fear what I see in your eyes
But I hope, and I dream, and I wish, and I pray
That you have some love left for me
Do you have some love left for me?

You just did the worst thing you could ever do to me
Well, I don't understand why and I cannot see
That it's hurting because of you

2007-01-24T16:53:00.000+08:00

im missing u again darling.
totally depressed.
felt so enclosed in a dark room.

i nid someone.
someone to walk me out of this dark room.
it was supposed to be u.
but.
it seems u walk me deeper into dat dark room.

or do i have to walk it out myself.
all alone.
jus like wad i had.

maybe u had enuf of me.
maybe u r frustrated with me.
maybe u r fed up with me.
maybe u tink i wanted too much.
expected too much.
but when all i wan is a loving heart?
n sum hugs?

all i ever nid in the world is ur hug.
jus ur hug.
havent u ever realised how much wonders ur hug can do.

ur hug can heal my wounds.
dissolve my sadness.
ur hug is almost magical.
havent u realised dat.

but u dumped me without second thoughts.
u broke my heart without much hesitation.
u walk off without looking bak.
is tis de real u?

uve done tis 4 times my dear.
i held u bak 3 times.
held u bak again de 4th time.
but no more.
no longer am i gg to do it.
i dun wanna be silly.

i will forget u.
i must forget u.
no longer am i gonna let u control me.
n let images of u control my feelings.
im not.
i'll grow out of ur world.
step out off u.
cos u'll nv treasure me.

''a light in de dark.
there were ur hands reaching out for me.
but i jus cldnt reach.''
u told me.
wads de point anyway.
u're jus hurting me further.
making me cry worse.

a week approaching.
yet i din feel any better.

2007-01-23T13:15:00.000+08:00

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.

Love is a language spoken by everyone, but understood only by a heart.

2007-01-22T02:40:00.000+08:00

u picked me up when i fell
kissed me when im down
hugged me when im lost
cuddled me when we slp

i miss ur hugs
ur kisses
ur cuddles
ur sweet-for-nothing talks
ur caresses n touch

its in me.
all in me.
let it go jan.
walk out of tis life.
breathe in hard
take a step.

2007-01-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

我伪装着,不露痕迹的
想在你身边,静静的陪着看着天边
骑着单车.往前行进着
某个路口.爱在等着
你往前走.不回头看了
记忆的笑脸.缓缓的敲着我的琴键
我不舍得.让你孤单单的
我爱你的.心牵挂着
一直想跟你说.幸福不再溜走
在下一个路口幸福哭着说
心不再拼命跺.不去害怕结果
下个路口你会看见爱.有美丽笑容

爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
爱转角以后的街.能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解.让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪.不让你掉眼泪
现在永远.你就是我.就是我的美

心不再拼命跺.不去害怕结果
假设有个以后.你会怎么说
一直想跟你说幸福不再溜走
下个路口.你会看见爱.有美丽笑容

爱转角遇见了谁.是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街.能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解.让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪.不让你掉眼泪
现在永远.你就是我.就是我的美

爱转角遇见了谁.是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街.能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁.是否不让你流泪
将寂寞孤单作陪.让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪.不让你掉眼泪
现在永远.你就是我.就是我的美

2007-01-21T14:56:00.000+08:00

散步是最近的馀兴节目
看着我的心跟无聊去远足
你不属于我了　
我才看清楚
爱情离开了之后
孤单跑过来的速度
你不属于我了　
我没有哭
我知道　我可以恢复
也许在不知名的一个远处
也许用不服输的一种角度
我不再孤独

2007-01-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

i wish im stronger than b4.
not a pretended front.

2007-01-19T14:34:00.000+08:00

i hate the weaker me.
so stop crying n pouting my dear.
its irritating.

u'll nv understand the agony im feeling.
the immense hurt u delivered.
de sense of lost.
de sense of an unforgetable love.
how big an impact ur little actions does.

nope jan.
ya great.
ya fine.
its oki. its reali oki.
time will fade those hurts.
time will heal.
u grow to learn.
grow to accept.

is dat wad love reali meant.
i felt im silly.
or are u de evil one.
y cant u treasure me.
y do u always resort to breakup.
ur mum said.
'y do youngster always so easily break up'
i wish to tell her.
its u.
u nv wanted to solve problems.
nv wanted to tok tinks out.
i trust u.
but sumtimes.
u gotta gain my trust in tinks too.
ur promises were nv meant to be.
jus made to be broken only.

wishing for sumone to hug me tight
wishing for a hug to cry upon on.
wishing for tearless nites.
wishing for drinking sessions.
wishing for u to be bak with me.
wishing these will end.
alrite.
wishing i can stick to my decision.
wishing my heart wun soften.
wishing i wun follow my heart.
wishing there's sum logic in me.
still.
i wish i can hug u.
cry on u.
just a tight hug.

2007-01-18T14:45:00.000+08:00

stop being silly
my dear ger.
dun shame urself.
have ur own pride.
dun crush ur pride.
stand upright
walk straight.
straight ahead.

2007-01-18T14:44:00.000+08:00

i felt so crushed.
its you again.
yes.
i wish i cld suffer frm loss of memory.

dat'll be better.

2007-01-18T01:21:00.000+08:00

the darkest fears engulfed me.
the horrible nitemares haunt me nite after nite.
my heart aches for u.
the heartaches kept persisting.
the tears kept falling.
the saddest thoughts kept racing thru my mind.
my vision blurred.

has my nitemare came thru?

its de 4th time im hearing tis.
'i wanna be alone'

it's de umpteen time u broke ur promises.
but i dun care.

so long u treasure me still.
so long u love me still.
all tinks cld be solved.
was dat naive?
i dun tink so.

its ur toughness
ur so called mature tinking dat leds to tis situation.
ur damn ego.

u caused me terrible hurt u promised u wun do again
u caused me sobs where de tears nv seemed to stop

its gone my dear.
jus by wad u jus said.
wad u jus given up.

there will nv be a nxt time.
i noe it deep down.
i wldnt wan to have u when u dumped me so cruelly 4 times.

u caused me hurt dat no one in de world can
u make me cry an ocean for u by breaking my heart
u make me love u so much. yet dump me aside time after time.

all thanks to u.
i learnt to be stronger.
thanks to u my darling.
i learnt lots frm u.
yes. u r great
u r fabulous.
during de times u treasured me loved me cared for me.
the times we shared were de happiest moments in my life.
amidst de frequent quarrels we had.
we were still good to each other.
guess de good times are over.

i reali love u my dear darling.
u dun regret ur decision.
hur.
sounds like i shld rmeind myself too.
last hugs n kisses.
make it a virtual one den.
cos de last hug we had were when u left spore.
de last reluctant tug on u when u left.
the last sweetest kiss we had before bidding a goodbye
n hope to see u soon kiss.

alas.
i found my strength within me.
a strength dat picked me up frm where i fell.
n to walk out of de life dat was once filled with u.
im proud of myself.
im proud.
i wish i was proud.

2007-01-14T21:05:00.000+08:00

i broke down yet again.
the tears jus welled up in my eyes n fall.

the instant thought kept harping in me
is tis reali gg to be over?
when is all tis hurting gonna last.
i totally give in.
totally.

all im hoping for.
is jus a simple reply frm u.
to let me noe.
im still in ur heart.
im still in ur mind.

unless ive left ur heart.
den the reply frm u might be redundent.
well.
i shall take my leave too den.

let's see.
by end of de day..

2007-01-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

my heart aches with every passing second.
crys with every passing minute.

y are u doing tis to me.
din i give in alreadi.
i nv wanted all of tis.

its not entirely my fault.
not entirely urs either.
it's both our fault.

stop doing tis hurt to me baby.
stop tis ignorance.
stop feigning my non-existance.

dun make me lose my last ounce of strength
my last strength of hope for tis relationship.
dun make my mind wander abt.
secure me wun u.
i dun wanna lose u darling.

im feeling so vulnerable.

if ive a fairy godmother by me.
im just wishing for all tis to stop.

2007-01-02T00:35:00.000+08:00

i guess im stronger now
stronger than before
all thanks to de training i had frm u

yes. sense dat sarasm.
i meant it.

'at least i hv de heart to say goodnite.'
wad crap.
if i dun hv de heart.
i wldnt hv tried getting u bak when u dumped me 3 times.
if i dun hv de heart.
i wld hv dumped u way long ago.
if i dun hv de heart.
i wldnt even bother to sms u. wld hv run off sum other better guys.
n der u r.
saying i din hv the heart.
how horrid.

i hate walking off silently in de nite
crying softly to myself
hanging on to my only hope
dat tinks will be fine soon
i explained tinks to u
but u dun seem to take dem in.
r u jus simply too egoistic or wad.
do i always hv to bow my head so low
even if its not my fault
jus to make u happy again
aint dat sadistic
aint dat selfish.

u nv seem to understand
how deep u had hurt me
u scarred me.
making dat nitemare haunt me again n again.
causing me sleepless nites ever so often
causing me to cry in my sleep
or even before i sleep

stop tis baby.
i love u.
u noe it.
dun make me lose all hope.

2007-01-02T00:22:00.000+08:00

'wads wrong now'
i wish to shout tis in ur face.
probably given u a few shakes n push.
im totally fed up with u.
upset with u.
utterly disappointed in u.

its not de first time.

are u a maniac.
deriving joy frm hurting me.
disappointing me.

wads de point of apologising when u noe it frm de start u shldnt hv done.
wad does sorry means to u.
does it even mean anytink to u.

wheres the trust i had painstakingly built up between us two.
in between my months of sobbing
tears of hurt
bawling out loud frm sadness
is our love reali dat vulnerable.

u said im different now
wad abt u.
who's reali de different one
how do u wan me to react to tis kinda attitude

y do u always hurt me
n end up i hv to pacify u
comfort u
console u in de end

is tis how u shld realli treat me
ask urself
do i reali deserve tis kinda attitude or treatment frm u
im ur baobei u noe
im ur baobei

y do u break my heart again n again
y hurt me again n again
y ignore me again n again
y avoid me again n again
y apologise to me again n again

i can feel de distance between us again
de distance which i tried so hard to pull close before.
was it reali all dat true
a broken glass couldnt be pieced bak together.

all i wanted was to be the one closest to u
yet u made me feel
im de last person u'll ever wan to be close to

do u reali love me.
am i doubting u or myself.
im clueless

are we breaking apart again.

2006-12-26T23:19:00.000+08:00

im feeling the intense need for u.
craving for ur company.
wanting u to be with me.
i need ur hugs.
ur cuddles.
ur kisses.
ur touch.
n you.

im missing u so much.
dat i'll nv imagine i will do

its a wonder how i perserve.
how i was so stubborn to have gone after u.
was dat the wonder of love.
the special of its powers?

im simply moodswinging again
its difficult to control my feelings.
hard to curb my misses for u.
im feeling so damn down again.

all of a sudden.
i jus wish to tok to sumone.
hug on to u
cling on to u.
i feel so at ease with u.

2006-12-19T01:02:00.000+08:00

if u were right in front of me this very moment.

i'll giv u a tight slap. cos dats wad u deserve for making me so damn worried. damn upset. damn disappointed in u. causing me 19 sleepless nights till today. nights without u by my side. days without being together with u. hours i cried bcos of u. heart breaking times cos of u. days that seems to drag on an eternity. wadeva it is. u shattered my heart. im hating u. hating u so much. where de hell did u get dat powerful force in me to cause my world to be so upside down. how did u ever manage to gain so much control in me. every single action u made. every word u say. pierce right into my heart. and affect my mood as quick as a click of the fingers. im so paranoid. why why why! all bcos of only u. theres absolutely no assurance from u at all. u made me feel so lost. what have u done to me. cast a spell or wadeva. why does my world have to revolve round only u. wads the power in within. was dat power wad u called love?

if u were right in front of me this very moment.

only if. i doubt i'll give u dat slap.
i'll probably jump to u and deliver a big bone-crushing hug, with tears pouring down my flushed cheeks, hair dishivelled, looking al so unproper n ugly. nothing will matter to me at all except u only.

2006-12-17T02:21:00.000+08:00

I fall in love with you just thinking about you, remembering all the memories we've made...falling in love for the first time, our first kiss, saying our first 'i love you', finding more to love about each other every day.
And whenever i think about all the wonderful things that lie ahead of us, i fall totally and completely in love with you all over again.

//jAn`\\*-when tml starts w/o me, dun tink we're far apart, for everytime u tink of me, im right in ur heart

2006-12-13T12:12:00.000+08:00

When it rains it reminds me of you.
Although Doha is so faraway, i still always walk outside in the rain and kiss it just for you.
It never fails me.
The rain will always come and i'll always love you.
Next time you see a storm on the horizon please don't fear.
It's just heaven doing me the favour of taking you my kiss.
Walk outside and kiss the rain whenever you need me my dearest darling.